Hot and Bothered by Venus Opposite Mars

Hey everyone, this is Adam Elenbaas from Nightlight Astrology. Happy Monday, everybody. I hope you guys had a nice holiday if you were celebrating and a nice weekend of rest, hopefully for some of you, and I am excited to be getting into a new week of astrology.

There's lots to look forward to this week. We started looking at some of the astrology of last week on Friday when we took a look at Mercury's opposition to Mars, which is forming early this week. If you haven't listened to that, and you are wondering about that transit, because you pay attention to the transits, you're like, Well, why isn't he going to talk about that one? I talked about it on Friday. So try to go back and listen to that one if you haven't yet because that will apply to one of the major transits at the start of this week, which is Mercury's opposition in Sagittarius to Mars in Gemini. So again, we covered that on Friday.

Today, we're going to look at Venus in Sagittarius coming through an opposition to Mars in Gemini, which is happening later on this week. So early in the morning, December 1 Eastern Time, late if you're on the west coast on November 30. So it's Wednesday into Thursday morning, and you'll see Venus in Sagittarius opposing Mars Retrograde in Gemini. So we're going to talk about that one today and give you a sense of what you can expect from it.

I've got five themes to watch for. And then three lessons and three personal stories related to those lessons that I think can help us unpack the archetypal combination at a deeper level. I've also got an excerpt I want to share from a book that I love about Mars and Venus. So we'll do that today. And yeah, that's our agenda.

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Okay, let's get into this I'm I feel like this transit, in particular, is exciting for a few reasons. Whenever Mars and Venus meet, you have two planets that, in ancient astrology, were natural opposites. Scorpio is opposite to Taurus. That's the sign of Mars opposite to the sign of Venus Libra, the sign of other sign of Venus is opposite to Aries, the other sign of Mars. So in ancient astrology, besides the sun and the moon, all planets ruled one masculine and one feminine sign. And so we have a quintessential opposition, an archetypally fundamental opposition in the planetary language of ancient astrology taking place in the sky right now when Mars and Venus meet in opposition.

The quintessential differences between the sort of masculine and feminine dynamics of Venus and Mars with a yin and yang, you could say, are clashing with one another, the potential for polarization is always there in an opposition, the feeling that something is being cut off left out that there are severe boundaries, or lines being drawn in the sand, you go over here, you go over here, we want to talk today about how we can be polarized between Venus and Sagittarius and Mars in Gemini this week. So we watch out for that polarization. We also want to talk about how do you hold the tension of these opposites because when we learn how to hold the tension of the opposites and walk with the tension of the opposites held, creative things happen, and the feeling of being in alignment happens. And oftentimes, whether it's in your relationships, or your job, or whatever, those are the most productive, exciting, and meaningful healing, you know, growth-oriented phases.

It's when an opposition comes through. And you, every day, are learning how to sort of hold that tension. It's a little bit like, you know, in a yoga pose, where you're learning to, like, breathe more deeply into the posture, or you're trying to hold your balance in a position. But the balance is an active dynamism. It's not just like some perfect static state; it's about learning how to hold the kind of, if you're into weightlifting or resistance training, that's my physical form of exercise, in addition to like, my morning, you know, prayer practice, or whatever, but I imagine it for example, as like wall squats, and if you guys ever done wall squats, they suck. You're like sitting there. And you know, you're sort of sitting at a 90-degree angle, and you're just learning, you're just like holding it. Or if you ever hold a plank, like, Oh, my God, you're just the, you know, you're shaking.

But it's learning how to hold a kind of tension. The more we do it, the more natural it becomes. And when we learn how to hold that tension, according to some of the ancient philosophers who practice astrology, that creative tension, births, things. So if you think about the tension between two people who are in love with each other, the potential is there if that tension is held in the right way. It's, there's, there's a potential for like, play, and, like, struggle for, like dominance. It's like all like that, but it's, it's playful, and it's competitive. And you know, that space, because it's, it's fun, and it's edgy, and it's a little bit uncertain, and angsty, especially when you're first dating someone or something.

If you hold that tension correctly, you know, a lot of creative things happen, including potentially even, eventually, maybe haven't literally having children together. And that's a great example of a creative act with the tension between the opposite's births, a third, the tension between the two births a third. So that's what we want this week. How do we get there? And how do we avoid the trap of polarizing, so that's what we're going to talk about with Venus and Mars this week as they come through their opposition.

Let's go over to the real-time clock. And I'll show you, so we are looking here, scroll down. So this comes through December 1 With Venus opposite Mars. So it's right between these two days. So we're looking at November 30. You'll see Venus is at 18. Mars is at 18. Sagittarius and Gemini, if we push it forward one day, Venus is now a degree onward by later in the day on Thursday. It's actually pretty late at night Wednesday into Thursday that the perfection happens, at least here in the United States east coast time. I'm central time, so I think it actually takes place a little bit before midnight Wednesday night.

Good thing that my wife and I go to bed. We don't have to get into a fight just getting up; you can time it. Okay, you go, you go out and have fun tonight. I'll do this thing over here. You avoid the opposition because if you're in a relationship, you're like, okay, let's go do our own thing, so we don't accidentally argue over something completely stupid. I'm just kidding. No, actually, you know Venus-Mars opposition's maybe it's sexy time for you if you're in a relationship sorry, maybe you'll you know maybe it'll spark it up. Okay, well, there are five themes to watch for that we're going to talk about. But first, I want to read you something from A Terrible Love of War by my homeboy James Hillman.

He wrote something; here are two little things that I want to read. They're very short. He talks in this book about the relationship between Venus and Mars at length. The whole book is really about Venus and Mars, which is why the title is called A Terrible Love of War. Because this book is about the idea that even in the midst of war, Venus is always there and that one of the reasons that war continues to exist is because there is a natural human attraction to it, a Venusian desire for it that is often unexplored or unconscious that you know, but it's there. And that might sound really provocative, but read the book. It's amazing. So this book, by the way, is called A Terrible Love of War. by James Hillman. It is one of my favorites. I've been rereading a lot of Hillman in the past three or four months, which is why you hear me sort of, like, citing pieces from his work. But here is one thing that he says, "love in war exposes one of our fondest false notions; we like to believe that death is private and solitary; each departs alone, we believe we are owners of our own death, the possession of which we confirm by will with binding instructions that include the disposal of our remains, is this idea of death not corollary to the bourgeois sanctity of private property. The mental set that constructs the isolation of our dying is the same bourgeois mentality that builds our individual living spaces with doors of separation to guarantee privacy and single beds in which to die alone. So conceive death is a lonely thing all your own, and this conception finds its intellectual reinforcement and the existential philosophy of Heidegger and Kierkegaard and Sartre and their somber affection for dread angst and abandonment," and he means that truly he does actually admire their somber affection for those things.

He goes on to say, "according to old folk sayings To die is to join the ancestors, which means that you become an ancestor yourself and if having died in uniform in battle, you remain a member of the innumerable troupe of the war dead who may still be at war. Swiss fighters in one of their early battles felt the presence of their ancestors and the lines beside them behind them. Those who die in war may never be dead to war, war may bring them back, and they may be continuing to motivate war through the ages in different guises, encouraging wars perpetuation. The Armenians in the Serbs and the Irish to and men and women in the deep south of the United States since their ancestors stirring in their oppression and resentments."

"Who knows how many more in sightings of wars are started up by the fresh maimings and murders in Iraq, Afghanistan, Bosnia, Chechnya, Guatemala, El Salvador, and all through Africa? War is perpetuation by fallen comrades in the ranks of the ancestors who, by dying and war, never leave the battlefield behind. They do not depart; their spirits are not buried; they work like a prompter out of sight below the stage, remembering; remembering each particular filling in the lines of the actual actors and the drama of a war with habits and reasons and mistakes from the same old archetypal script. That is what is meant when they say all wars are the same."

One of the things that he says in that chapter goes on to say at length is that one of the things that's really unique about war is that war places death within the context of a larger collective, a group, a troop, a cause, a culture, you know and that in many groups in the history, ethnic, cultural, religious groups all over the world. The sense of death being something that joins you to a communal like your ancestors is very common. But nowadays, one of the things that happens is our death is something that is considered to be as personal and private as what we consume or our personal likes or dislikes, or our personal rights, sovereignty, and agency. So that death one of the things that Mars is related to is death and dying and so forth. But it also often had the connotation Mars did have joining you in-depth and quarrel and strife, to a cause, a purpose and mission, a group.

That's why, you know, Mars shares, as you've heard me say many times, Mars shares etymologically the same root as the word martyr. And, and so, in, in the book, Hillman talks about the fact that so much of what draws us into conflict is what we love, who we love, how we love the groups that we love and identify with, and end up being the ones that we go to war on behalf of, or in protection or defensive. And so love is often connected to strife in this regard, and not only you know, terribly, although he talks at length about how terrible war can be, but also that the natural attraction to war is in part because it moves us beyond a sphere of individual will consumption, and sort of lonely, individual separation from everything and everyone else.

And war draws us through what we love and are attracted to, into a that strife becomes strife, and even death becomes something that allow us to participate in what we love at a very deep and in kind of an extreme way. And again, whether that would be your death joining you to the ancestors or what you love draws you into certain kinds of quarrel and strife that will naturally occur in your life but will give your life meaning; what you love will be what you struggle with. And that is a way to die that for the soul is preferred. Compared to the sort of lonely isolated picture of like a unit of consumer unit of consciousness, you know, who dies alone in a bed.

So from a Venus-Mars standpoint, our lives are filled with coral because we love things passionately. We struggle and experience strife on their behalf or in relation to them somehow. This is quintessential Venus, opposite Mars. So here are five things to watch for with all of that in mind.

Number one, we'll call it just using these phrases kind of jokingly in some ways, but number one is ride or die. So when Venus opposes Mars, you get the feeling. You know that that tension can come up as the tension of loyalties, like an extreme sense of this is what I will fight for. This is what I'm struggling with. But it's a good thing that I'm struggling with it. So it's really like it's a ride or die friend or lover, or it's someone you know, an extreme sense of loyalty to something that you love, or a cause that you are just extremely loyal to. And you may find that the tension or struggle around what you love is compelling you to act or get engaged in the struggle this week. Or you could find that you are having to decide where your loyalties are. And if you are committed to quarrel or strife on behalf of someone or something that you love.

Number two, I am a lover, not a consumer; back to what we were just saying from Hillman. Here is the idea that sometimes especially, you know, I think around the holidays when we are faced with how to spend our money buying gifts and all this kind of stuff. And it's a time where you have to look inward and often determine your values, right and giving gifts meaningfully, for example, I find to be one of my like my really like my favorite part of this very commercial, sometimes, you know, commercial time of year. How do I give a gift that shows my loyalty, my love, and my interest in someone? You know, and my appreciation, I find that that challenge of finding a gift that speaks those things is really exciting. And I think that Venus opposite Mars pulls us into the tension of how to love and how to be an individual that expresses their passion for someone or something.

And also to make choices when Venus opposes Mars that are reflective not just of me as an individual my needs my interest, but me as an individual who loves things, who is committed to things, who burns for things, who chooses things because I love them, not just because I want them in I can do what I want. Because I'm a separate individual, that's important that we're separate individuals with their own will and autonomy and everything like that. But in this Mars opposite Venus transit, I think there's an opportunity for us to look and say my will and my individuality is only as good as how I'm able to express it in relation to what I love and how passionately I love what I love.

For me, for example, in addition to the people in my life that are at the top of the list, it's astrology, like; I love astrology. And so I find that, that, that, you know, it's, it's, I feel like I am, when it comes to some of my greatest steps or moments of individuation over the past, you know, 12 going on 13 years of doing professional astrology, that the thing that leads me on in life that helps me grow individually is so much related to how I choose to grow in relation to the subject that I love. So the subject provides me with the grit through which I can like grind up against any kind of work out my existence. And we need things we love to do that we can't evolve in a vacuum.

All right, number three, addicted to opposition. So sometimes, you know, Venus opposite Mars shows up when there's someone in your life where you yourself are just like being indicted. Someone who can't stop the drama, they're just, there's a way in which they're like, Dude, can you can ever just be; this could be the quintessential person in the office who is never happy, always gossiping, always dramatic, kind of feels like negative to be around. And, you know, it's like, every day, I'm just trying to let their existence be okay. But man, their need for an addiction to drama is like getting to be an affront for me. Okay.

Now, on the other hand, number four could be that no drama means no fun look if you the whole universe is a big drama. Right? Right. I mean, from the chemical and physical level of it to the internal level of it. No drama means no fun. So are you the kind of person who's like, I just don't want any negativity around me whatsoever ever? Okay, like, good luck. You know, sometimes a Mars Venus opposition comes along and says, Bring a little drama into your life. But you know, variety is the spice of life. So a little bit of variety, a little bit of spiciness. Sometimes we need some tension. What do I want? What do I love? What do I like? What do I not like? What's the, you know, the things that feel a little bit more dramatic? We need those things. Otherwise, we're not really having fun. We're not having a human experience. We're trying to manage a human experience. And so as much as the transit could indicate an addiction to tension and drama, it could also be a call to, you know, involve a little bit more Are you here to have an experience and to live a life and a destiny? Are you here to try and avoid it? Because it's scary because it's not, it doesn't, it's not always perfect, and it's messy sometimes.

So, number five is poetics versus polemics. A polemic would mean like a very strong, often written or verbal attack on something which could come this week; there could be a sense of like division and tension or differing views, debates clashing of wills and minds. There's something very rational and rhetorical about Mars in Mars Retrograde in Gemini. Venus, on the other hand, is saying, you know, what, what could you try to make your point being poetic and artistic? I think Venus right now might be compelling Mars, for example, to do something, but to do something that's a little bit more artistic. Whereas Mars may have some idea, even revising something or rethinking something from the past. That is approaching it from an almost an overly rational place. And you could feel the pull between the polemical, the strong, rational executive, analytical dissecting sort of Mars and Gemini versus the poetry and the enthusiasm and the charisma and the artistry of Venus in Sagittarius. Venus in Sagittarius. How about some poetry?

You know, like could you interesting thought, could you make it something that does not sound so like analytical and you almost it's like putting an artist and an engineer, you know, not that they can't be the same person, right? But you put those two people at a dinner table, and they're very sexually attracted to one another, but they're there on the mind level, it's like you're like, so we can notice those tensions within ourselves around us.

Now, I have three lessons and three stories from my life; there's maybe a little bit more than three sort of, but three basic stories that I want to share that I think come along with these themes. And going back to what Hillman had to say,

Number one is to be careful of the high road; see Venus and Mars when they oppose one another will make us think because most a lot of us are uncomfortable with conflict. And understandably, like, who wants to live their life, just constantly in fights with people are being dramatic, or with all this, you know, tension and hostility, you know, peace and love, man. You know, that's how I feel too. But especially as a Taurus rising, I learned this really important lesson one time. Okay, so I had two jobs when I was in college pretty close to one another, and I lost both of them back to back; I was let go from both of them. And but for very similar reason. I worked closely in both cases with a boss, like the not like the, like the manager, or whatever.

In both instances, the manager was someone who didn't have great personal boundaries. And it was someone who wanted me to be a gossip pal. Like, wanted to, like, pal around with me at work. And I being like, this good Christian, you know, was like, Well, I'm above drama and gossip, right. And so I would kind of try to act like the bigger person and kind of ignore what they were saying, or even sort of like, preach to them about how they shouldn't be talking about people or whatever. And I thought this was the good thing to do when I let go in both situations because I was an annoying, sort of self-righteous, highroad type of person.

Now, looking back, I don't think I was wrong in the sense that these people were trashed, you know, they were shit-talking other people, they were obnoxious, they were rude. And they wanted me while at work to, like, you know, be on their team and listen to them, you know, listen to them trash talk other people that I didn't know. And I just, like, I didn't want to do it. And I don't think I was wrong for not wanting to do it. But what I learned from those experiences, like very poignantly, was that I could, I could have found a way, a creative way to be myself with my values while also just sort of walking through the valley of the world with them. Like I could have just, I don't want to say, entertained them in a condescending way. But I could have just been a listener, and I could have just not been on a moral high horse.

Even though I may not have been comfortable with the gossiping, I mean, it wasn't like anything abusive. It was just, you know, just petty gossip about people who weren't working with us either, just like the stuff in their life. And I think, had I listened, entertained, maybe just kept some good boundaries, that over time, I would have had more of an effect on them than coming off like a cocky purist, do you know what I mean? And I lost both of those jobs. I think when Venus opposes Mars, the part of us that will, there's drama, there's, you know, something like that. There it is. And drama is not good. And I'm going to take the high road, then what we do sometimes very subtly is we polarize and create conflict between peacefulness and drama. And we're trying to assert dominance of peacefulness over drama. And I think that peacefulness doesn't need to be asserted; there's a, I mean, if you just embodied, like I'm saying, like if I had just kind of shown up and listened, and I think just kind of inhabited a workspace that was like friendly and casual, but like, over time, they would just see well, he doesn't really shit talk people. He listens, and he kind of humors me a little bit. He doesn't preach to me, but he just doesn't do it himself. That would have had a much bigger impact. And in fact, the opposite happened because I was subtly trying to dominate the other person with like a peacefulness agenda. So be careful of the high road; sometimes The High Road is a polarizing road.

Number two, have a team but imagine yourself on the other side regularly. So this one also comes back to college. I was joking. I was starting to laugh because I was thinking about my Love of the Vikings and how I absolutely have a hard, really hard time applying this. When it comes to imagining myself as a member of the opposing football team, it's like, I am not going to be happy, you know, for like the Cowboys when they like weightless or whatever. But, so it's easier said than done. But I have a story. When I was in college again, I was thinking a lot about college lately and had some memories about it. I was on one, I took a class in debate, and it was required that you'd be on the debate team for that semester. And so I was on this, this school debate team.

The school that I went to was a Christian school, but there were a lot of different types of Christians, a lot of different theological positions about different things that people had, you know, you'd have some people who are just like, like Universalist, then you have like Calvinists, and it was so there was a pretty good diversity in terms of the different kinds of faith and ideas. And I was on the debate team, and one of the things we had to do in the debate team was we had to argue for once like; we had to have it; there would be a debate topic. And then you'd have to argue on one side, and then the teams would switch. And you'd have to argue for the exact opposite thing. And I just remember the semester that I was doing that all the time. And then I had this Bible class, and it was in what you had to like part of the curriculum at this Christian schools, you had to have like a certain number of credits taking, like studying the Bible.

And so in this Bible class, there were students, I just think back and like we were all 20, what the hell was our like, who's so uptight at 20? You know, but there were people in class and these classes that believed that their ideas were a matter of, you know, heresy or not, salvation or damnation, like some people had, really. And it was really interesting because I would watch these debates. And I would just think, Well, I'm very Mars; of course, I was born with Mars and Gemini. And I would listen to one side, and I would listen to the other. And I often saw these people at our common Vespers worship service, you know, everyone talking to God, in the same way, you know, and I would just sit there, and I would think the passion with which that person is approaching their view is the same passion from which the other person is coming from their space. And it can really; it really would help if we would all take a minute to try to argue for and imagine ourselves as deeply committed to the things that we oppose.

Even if it's painful and hard to do, it doesn't mean that you have to doesn't mean that there is no truth or that you can't have a view. But how much does it help to create empathy? If we entertain views other than our own and really, deeply imagine what it would be like to be loyal and charismatic about an idea or a view or point of view that we're in love with, it's not the same as ours. I think it would really help. And this was something I just remember very vividly, like, watching people debate with each other and being like, man, they should all take this debate class, you know. So, I've always sort of been like that. I have things that I'm very passionate about. But I think one of the things about Mars in the sign of Gemini is that it can, it can very easily, like go on the aggressive about something only to switch and consider the opposite. From an equally passionate perspective, when you throw Venus in, it might actually be enjoyable to do that; you may be able to find some. It's like trying to imagine why someone is aesthetically drawn to a kind of art or music that you're not drawn to taste it; try it and listen to it, try to enter into it and appreciate it.

And when you do, it's so much harder when you're in your own position to go, oh, country music, it sucks. You know, rock and roll is the only thing it's like; well, have you ever really entered into it fully opened your heart and mind to it, and at least tried to imagine how people would be so passionate about it? It's a lot harder than to, you know, think of people who love country music is stupid, and you're so elevated because you're like indie rock. Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I mean? So, I'm just calling on cliches that I've experienced in my life, of course.

Number three is lean into what you love, especially when it's hard. So, again, this idea that Hillman left us with is that we're not just individual willing units, like private consumers who will die alone. So much of what makes our life worth living is the knowledge that what we fall in love with will be a source of quarrel for us. Strife, difficulty, challenge, frustration work. That's just it. But I think too often when we start hitting those difficult moments with the people or things that we love, we think, Well, I'm a consumer, I'm an individual, I'm not pleased with the stress or tension that's involved in this thing. So I better go try something different. And I'm not saying that, you know, there isn't a time to get out of a relationship or change jobs, or you know, there, of course, there is. But it's like, Good luck finding anything in life that you love, that you are passionate about, that will not by necessity pull you into quarrel. Because according to Hillman, and I agree with him, the soul needs to die into things that are personal, or death needs to be personally crafted. And you personally craft your death by loving life and loving things and people in your life that are a source of joy but also a source of struggle. And you have to be able to carry those two things simultaneously.

And let me tell you how I learned that the most vividly in my life when I had kids. So in, in particular, one aspect of parenting, which was the bedtime routine. It's nice to have kids all the way up until you can't sleep all night, or, you know, you're not sleeping, you don't get to share the same kind of privacy with your spouse that you used to, or, you know, just like I chose to have kids. And it was like, I just remember night after night after night for years. And it's; still, it's not as bad now, but like when they were really little, it was like, it was like, Whoa, what the fuck have I done? Like, what did I do? And I remember I've just made the worst mistake ever. But with kids, and I think it's the same, it's not just kids, like, I hate it when people create like a parenting club thing. Because if you don't have kids, it's, I think it's the same with a lot of things.

But you realize, well, like, I wouldn't have it any other way. And they're so lovely. And it's also so amazing. That's what the soul likes. The soul likes the stuff that you love, but that keeps you up at night. You know, the soul loves the people that create drama, while also filling you with just, you know, undeniable beauty and there's attraction. And I just remember so many times being like, I'm not going to try to make this go away. I'm not going to read a million different theories about how to get your kids to sleep perfectly. And I'm not going to try to create a story about parenting that doesn't include this bullshit. You know. So you have to have it; it's got to be there. And I think Venus opposite Mars if you can find that sweet spot where you're burning with something, but you're like, you know what? This is good. This is good. This love comes with a price. And it's almost always the blood, sweat, and tears, the late nights, the quarrel, the strife, the suffering. But the good thing about that is that it is precisely that we live a life like that struggling with what we love that joins us to our ancestors that joins us to the stars that that joins us to, you know, the graveyards filled with souls, you know, so, I say struggle with what you love. Of course, don't struggle all the time, but don't think that the lack of struggle is exactly what you need, either.

So I hope that I've been able to hold the tension of these planets in today's talk well enough that you can take the tension and apply it as is best for you in your situation, which is obviously different from my own. All right, well, on that note, I'm going to hold the tension now of decorating our Christmas tree which oh my god, it'll be good but I always like for me you know it's so it's funny like it because it's sort of like chaotic and like one of the girls will try to stab the other one with an ornament in the eye; God and then you know the end of the day though, and like they're in bed and the Christmas trees up, and I sit there with my wife, and I'm like, this is the struggle is real, and it's exactly what I love. You know, I hope you guys are the same. I hope your hope you're living your best lives with your struggles included. That's what I've got for today.

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