Mars Square Neptune and the Reality of War

Transcript:

Hi everyone this is Acyuta-bhava from Nightlight Astrology. Happy Monday, everybody. I'm glad to be back after a one week break that I took, I hope that you guys have had a nice start to your new year. Today we are going to dive into Mars is upcoming square to Neptune, which is perfecting this week. So that is our goal for today. Also just a note that we are every day slowly and methodically working our way through delivering Kickstarter rewards. And also it takes a while for us to also respond to all the emails that are coming in, people having questions about how to receive their reward, or they can't find the link or something like that. So we have a team of people who are also you know, trying to address the emails that are coming in every day. So if for any reason you're not hearing from us, it could be going into your spam folder. So be sure you check that or you can always email us to info at nightlight astrology if you're having any issue with collecting the reward from your donation. So thanks everybody for that. And let's dive into Mars Neptune. So first of all, let's put the real time clock up on the screen. Feels nice to be back in the swing of things this week. I've missed you guys. I hope you've been well.

So here we can see Mars and Sagittarius making a square with Neptune in Pisces. Now this is going to perfect can see it perfecting tomorrow, that's January 11. And it'll still be in the air all the way through the end of the week. It gets about a three degree range. So looking all the way Friday Saturday. Now, this Mars Neptune dynamic is also brought to you by a newly empowered Jupiter. Jupiter is just having moved into the sign of Pisces is in a very empowered position. So get that really fiery prophetic jupiterian feeling behind this Mars Neptune square. So today what I want to do is just talk to you guys a little bit about Mars Neptune, and what you might see or notice from this combination archetypal level. To do that, I'm going to read you a couple different passages. One, the main one I'm going to read you is from one of my favourite books ever written on Neptune, which is called The astrological Neptune and the quest for redemption by the famous Liz Greene. So this book is like one of my Bibles, it's my Neptune Bible I guess you could say I'll hold it up against you can see it. And let's see here so here is what she says.

"The contact of Mars and Neptune have been much maligned in astrological literature Everteen mentions weakness as well as sickness, addiction, dislike of work and fanaticism. He can see that inspiration might be a product of the benign aspects, but he's clearly reluctant to find anything pleasant in this complex pairing of planets. The hard aspects in particular are associated with sexual abuse and black magic. The creative dimension of Mars Neptune is sometimes described but is usually limited to the actor or musician, and the contact is often seen as dangerous to be fought against or quote transcended. There is no doubt that Mars Neptune can manifest in problematic ways. So Can any Neptune aspect or for that matter, any planetary aspect at all, but we need to look beneath Mars Neptune's behaviour pattern to the meaning of the core. To understand why this contact appears this regularity in the charts of those with serious drinking or drug problems as well as serious physical disabilities of the Neptunian kind. Mars is the sun's fighting arm. The functions of aggression and desire are fundamental to independent physical and psychological life. By wanting something and becoming angry or frustrated, a child begins to separate from the original fusion with the mother and forms a sense of his or her own body identity and personal potency. In this sense, Mars is like the Babylonian fire god Marduk, who battles to see mother to create the world. We become ourselves first through what we want, and our primary desires our physical passional. In life defending long before solar consciousness transforms raw libido into what we call goals and aspirations. Talking about identity on an abstract level is insufficient. Sooner or later one will be called upon to make a stand and fight for one's autonomy in outer life. If the function of Mars is ailing, one cannot properly separate, and one may experience difficulty in actualizing whatever goals and wishes emerge in adult life, or one may dissociate altogether from desires and aggressive feelings, pushing them into the unconscious where they fester at leisure. This buried rage may then be expressed covertly toward others or internalised against oneself."

It's interesting to me that she's going down this particular pathway with Mars Neptune right away by saying look, first of all highly misunderstood aspect. A lot of it has to do with individuation with the need to become ourselves by honouring something of our raw drive toward our raw sort of desire drive. At any rate, she goes on. "Blaming parents for creating this problem is too simplistic and approach. Although the childhood environment may exacerbate Mars conflicts, seeds must fall on fertile soil in order to sprout. Mars Neptune inherently avoids any overt expression of the will, because of Neptune's longing for fusion. Eden is a world without Mars for anger and oneness are mutually exclusive. In paradise the animals do not eat one another. Nor is an individual initiative the natural outgrowth of desire welcome in the garden it is construed as disobedience. The fusion is broken, the original sin is committed an expulsion from the garden follows inexorably from this transgression. Oedipal desires are a sin in Eden, not because of the erotic fusion that they demand but because mother or father will not countenance competition. Mars Neptune will therefore seek to fulfil its desires while ensuring that no one is offended. Neptune's receptivity to collective feeling transforms Mars, instead of the thuggish warrior of Homer's Iliad, he emerges a subtle magician who understands the power of participation Mystique, and the enormous appeal of the word we. Mars Neptune can enter others dreams and longings expressing I want with such delicacy that it seems that everybody wants it. This can be a great gift expressed most typically in Neptunian air arenas, the arts and the therapeutic field. It may also be a great asset to the politician and military leader. In all these fields the ability to invoke participation Mystique is necessary. The actor must be attuned to the audience, the therapist or counsellor must have compassionate identification with the client, as well as the ability to draw out feelings and insights in a subtle and non aggressive way. The political or military leader must inspire the hearts of his or her followers. Without this, the imposition of his discipline will only provoke rebellion. Mars Neptune, like Dionysus is a seducer. But sometimes as a collective, we need to be seduced. This longing lies at the core of religious worship as well as the catharsis of the musical or theatrical performance. It's a feeling of shared aspiration without which we are abandoned in the wasteland alone and without hope in the world of Mars, Neptune, the ecstasy has a goal."

This is one one of the most helpful passages for me to understand a lot of my own psychology, right I was born with Mars, in a broad opposition to Neptune. And, you know, grew up the son of a preacher, right, and Mars Neptune aspects in my own father's chart. So it's a really interesting dynamic, the way of Mars Neptune, how to be charismatic, forceful, competitive, driven, ambitious, but to do so in a way that is also that taps into that Neptunian tendency toward collectivism toward we and toward a sense of shared vision participation mystique. In other words, in her words, that sense that we're all a part of something driving towards similar goals that are transcendent. So this Mars Neptune contact in the sky sort of taps into that. Let's keep going. "The still the dilemma lies in the integrity of the goal and how it is pursued. Mars innately self centred desires when diluted with Neptunian waters must include others if the individual's needs are to be fulfilled. Thus desires purged of sin because it is ostensibly aimed toward everyone salvation. This is the spirit of the Crusades. You might remember me talking about this a little bit when I spoke about I talked about Mars coming in contact with Neptune when I previewed the moon cycle. And I mentioned this is kind of like Joan of Arc, holy crusade feeling in which appalling barbarity was sanctioned in the name of redemption in which the face of the Tiamat is visible beneath the holy trappings. It is also the spirit of an Alexander de becque who had Mars sextile Neptune not sure if I said that correctly, fighting selflessly for his country, heroic martyrdom has many faces, some of them closely allied to terrorism and genocide, some of them deeply noble."

So she goes on a little she says "aggression can be masked by apparent docility and rage can lurk beneath the surface may become the chief factor behind drug and alcohol addictions, which reflect anger and vengeance against life as much as the desire to escape life." I remember when I was in my early 20s and Pluto was activating the Mars Neptune opposition in my chart and went through a phase of pretty serious addiction for about two years with opiates. I wrote about this in my book, and when I went and worked with Ayahuasca, it was very much like a Mars Neptune homoeopathy, like treats like, use a substance to treat issues with substance. And this one of the things that came up was recognising how much frustration the feeling of not being a part of something bigger and confusion about how to use the will. And the feeling of underlying rage and frustration and a feeling of like, almost like, my life had some quality of philosophical impotence. Where's the philosophical meaning of life? What am I driving toward that's bigger than just my own personal desires and aims. This is Mars Neptune stuff, it was being activated by Pluto, in the lack of the feeling of that underlying rage, addiction to opiates to dull it all over alcohol to sex as well. These were all features of, you know, promiscuity, unhealthy, I'm not saying there's anything unhealthy about sex, but unhealthy promiscuous behaviour, drug addiction, this kind of stuff, my early 20s are Pluto is activating that Mars Neptune opposition in my chart, and you're in as Liz Green says we need a sort of transcendental or transcendent sense of participation so that the will becomes more selfless. When it hits Neptune. It's like it needs that to function well in the world. That or it will try to drown itself in a feeling of pointlessness. So, she says, when a will let gentle cannot be found for Mars Neptune's romantic hero is political, military, scientific artistic, it can be sought in darker waters. That's when she goes on to talk quite a bit about addiction of Mars Neptune may also elect like Charles Manson, who had them in a conjunction to play the anti hero who destroys others and himself rather than endure the dreariness of a decent but unglamorous life. For Mars, Neptune, aggression and desire cannot easily be directed outward into life. Because of the fear of separation this invokes it may seem better not to desire at all. Sexual disinterest and general apathy are common accompaniments to alcoholism and drug addiction. The Death Wish is obvious in these expressions, and so is the element of masochism.

I remember one of the most alarming things that I came to realise in some of my earlier Ayahuasca ceremonies was this feeling of, Wow, this addiction is Mars, Neptune opposition in my own chart, which I didn't yet understand, but this addictive behaviour is like, I'm hurting myself. And it was it was it didn't I had zero idea that I was doing that, that there was a feeling of self harm. Oh, let's hurt myself because I have not yet found a higher purpose or sense of meaning for my existence or my life. So I'll hurt myself. As a response. Humans actually do that. Like every day, year round for going on 12 years of my life. I've talked to human beings who hurt themselves because they don't feel like they're doing life well enough. That's can be a Mars Neptune dynamic. "The same may be said of Mars, Neptune's black magic. It's difficult to define this term in any sensible way for one is reminded of a Dennis Wheatley novel with incantations to us Amadeus and the remains of sacrifice chickens in the basement. Yet there will always be people who are happy to avail themselves of Neptunian mass vulnerability to achieve the power they want. Most politicians dabble in a little bit one way or another, although usually without the chickens. political slogans are a form of incantation and political symbols are a species of amulet. Black Magic may be observed in anyone who because of his or her own wounds and insecurities manipulates the unconsciousness of another person to achieve omnipotence, the omnipotence which Neptune secretly craves. What differentiates Mars Neptune black magic from Mars, Neptune white magic is the consciousness of the individual and the personal integrity that they have managed to build."

Anyway, she goes on, but it's a brilliant passage. If you've never read this book, it's easily the most wonderful psychological archetypal exploration of Neptune that I've ever read. Just fantastic. There's another book that I love. That gives some really good keen insight into Mars, the War God, we don't make room for Mars as a divine reality. Most of the time we think of Mars as a party. problem that needs to be solved. You're in trouble if you think that a god is a problem that needs to be solved, or an aspect of the one you could even say that needs to be solved. James Hillman drew this out really nicely in one of his most famous books called a terrible love of war. He's talking about the archetypal reality of war, and I want to read you a few passages. He says, "Since wars, autonomy generates its own momentum, war has no cause other than itself. Is War, something which really does have a life of its own as Barbara Ehrenreich wars inhumanity tells wars truth, its origins lie outside the Human Sphere beyond human control. We have been misled, she argues, pinning war under persons, politics, economics, gender, it is the autonomy of war as an institution that we have to confront and explain. Her explanation is remarkably imaginative. she conceives war on the model of a living organism, a self replicating pattern of behaviour, possessed of a dynamism not unlike that of living things. Suddenly, war emerges as a fictive figure, a robotic Gollum, a quote brutal giant stalking his human prey, as in these lines from Thomas Sackville and quoted by Michael Walzer, lastly stood war and glittering arms he clad with this edge grim stern looks and blackly hewed in his right hand and naked sword he had that to the hilts was all with blood and brood, and in his lap that kings and kingdoms rude, famine and fire he held in there with all he raised towns and threw down towers and all, we are entering the territory of myth, and approaching the War God himself. In short, unless we imagine more as inhuman in the transcendent sense in human as the autonomy and livingness of a divine power war as a god, or secular models, as Susan Sontag said, cannot imagine and cannot understand. Now we can see that wars in humanity derives from wars, autonomy, and that this autonomy reveals wars nature as a mythic enactment, explaining both its bloodletting as ritual sacrifice, and it's immortality, that it can never be laid to rest."

He goes on later to say "Mars and Venus are always in the bed of the image. He's talking about the image of war. Even when the tale says they fly off and away from each other. They remain an inseparable archetypal conjunction, where Mars is Venus will be love and beauty, seduction, Glamour, pleasure, intimacy, and softness shall accompany Mars wherever he goes. These camp followers belong to his battle train. The world of wars, horrors, and fear is also a world of desire and attraction. We have come to another place where understanding our subject is again most baffled wars, beautiful horror. It's terrible love and exhilarating fusion called the sublime. It could be claimed that war on TV and movies and played on video games offers a window into the sublime. These mediated wars provide in an aesthetic size, terror, battle and death as spectacle similar to a work of art wars, framed and plotted it sequences selected the whole unified and limited in time, you can stop at anywhere turn off the TV anytime."

So he goes on in this book to make a case for the inherently mythical, archetypal Divine Presence of Mars as a god and a God is eternal. Which is to say that war, although we have a level at which war is inhuman, terrible link to all sorts of divisiveness and greed and selfishness, and power and dominance and all sorts of terrible things. And yet, it remains, brutality, force domination. These are things that exist in the animal kingdom. They exist all over planet Earth, they exist in ourselves, even in just the way we observe the physical universe, the colliding of forms in space, explosions, violent catharsis. This is part of what is in the Bhagavad Gita in chapter 11 where Krishna reveals His universal form to Arjuna on the battlefield This is God showing itself in its universal form.

"Oh Lord of lords, so fierce of form. Please tell me who you are. I offer my obeisances unto please be gracious to me. I do not know what your mission is, and I desire to hear of it. The blessed Lord said time I am destroyer of the worlds. And I've come to engage all people."

So you can see and feel the autonomy of Mars in our world every day. If you watch sports, it's there, if you watch anything, any kind of gossipy stuff, even if it's just pretty trivial, this is what who's doing this and who's doing what know the drama of it. Politically, in the entertainment world, whatever world do you might follow. Reality TV is filled with it. Competition is basic in the marketplaces. Everything in nature is eating other things to survive. Life eats life to be life. If you're an even if you're an activist, a lot of what defines activism is good fight. of there's a lot of different kinds of activists and I'm not getting into what is or isn't the good fight, not here to define that today. But I don't know one person fighting on behalf of the belief who doesn't think what they're fighting for is good. So fighting is very basic, to our everyday life, speed, intensity catharsis, to be moved to be penetrated by other people's minds and thoughts, sexual penetration, the presence of Mars is not just a problem, it's a reality.

The Buddha said famously, that all beings feel this deep sense of fear and anxiety because we, we know that we're going to die. We know that things are impermanent, and we resist that a lot of our lives is built around dealing with existential anxiety about our own precarious situation. And so some of the ways that spiritual traditions around the world describe the process of waking up is first and foremost, to accept the presence of all dimensions of experience, which include fear, anxiety, war, confrontation, conflict, dominance, greed, suffering, unless you accept that these are somehow a part of what is your stand little chance to work through the presence of those things within yourself. And so whatever spirituality we claim to have, how real can it be, unless we've dealt with and not just conquered those things, there's a lot of Mars can be very heroic, especially when you kind of pair it with the sun, let's overcome all the darkness. But in you look at the pantheon of gods.

For example, in India, there are so many gods in India, I've had the pleasure when I've been in India several times to visit a lot of different types of temples, not just the ones with the Krishna forms that are dear to me. But in visiting a lot of different temples, notice that Gods have many, many arms, carrying many, many weapons. Many gods carry, like Krishna, the Sudarshan, chakra, cutting people's heads off with it, it's the weapon of time. It's hard for in my upbringing, at least in the sort of Christian West, it was hard to imagine that God included all of those darker qualities, that there's that, that there is room for a God like Mars, you know. But unless we understand the god of war, not simply as the absence of peace, or the some kind of problem that we need to fix or solve, if we don't, if we can understand it as a reality unto its own. Otherwise, we suffer from being at war with war, which is a way of saying, we become possessed by the War God. You can't have an autonomous, conscious relationship with the archetype of the War God unless you recognise the War God as an autonomous being as an an an archetypal structure inherent in reality inherent in the psyche inherent in the cosmos itself. Love and strife, they're both here, you know, so you to make some room for strife.

When I grew up in the Christian tradition that I grew up in, there was really very little room for Mars. And this was the number one thing that I had to reflect upon when Pluto opposed Mars in my natal chart conjoined Neptune so It was activating that Mars Neptune. I had gone down a path that really anything about Mars, the War Gods, Kali, the the aspect of God that beheads things that smashes planets, the universe as explosive. You know, that was not an acceptable part of mean God, maybe God could be the judge, and God could punish people or something like that. The punitive, judgmental aspect of God that you should be afraid of. Maybe there's a little bit of Mars in that. But I was never in the church and no fault. I'm not blaming anyone. Just wasn't really a part of how I was taught or raised to think that God has this the in cruelty in terror. Yes, I'm here too.

I'llnever forget, I was giving a talk at the Alex Gray, a famous psychedelic artist, was giving a talk at his Museum in New York City one time, and he was there too. We were telling it was a storytelling night. And I was telling a story just after him, so it was a hard, you know, it's like a hard act to follow. And he got up on stage he told a story about an Ayahuasca experience that he had where he was sifting through, like a crematorium, like, which, you know, by the way, Shiva is often found in crematoriums, you know. So, and there were just bodies and corpses and death and destruction and ruin. And he was seeing it and just filled with horror, until he heard the soft voice and he recognised it as the Divine Presence saying, Can you see me here too? And he he just couldn't fathom that this was that divinity was to be found in this space to me if you ever looked at his artwork, his artwork is he has a background in the human anatomy so a lot of his artwork is very beautiful when it comes to human anatomy. He'll often and call include aspects of the human form that are you know, brutal skeletons, skulls, things like that kind of dark, but, but also beautiful, he has a way of weaving together never seen Alex Gray's psychedelic artwork, it's very beautiful.

Anyway, I got to know him a little bit. A couple of times, actually, we hosted the Ayahuasca monologues together and did storytelling nights and stuff like that. And I'll never forget that one. Because I could so relate to it going through these ayahuasca experiences, the early thing that the plant medicine seemed to want to convey to me and remember, this is while that Mars Neptune opposition is being activated by Pluto was God is all things, nothing excluded, absolutely nothing excluded. It's very easy to want to say, well, there's stuff I really like, there's stuff that's really pleasant. There's stuff that's obviously like, there's a moral imperative that lives in our hearts. But the existence of darkness, the existence of the divisiveness of Mars and other planets that are not as easy to deal with earnest fun talk about that. The existence of those dimensions of divinity and of reality, cannot be denied. Otherwise, eventually, you have an encounter with them. That is not going to be as pleasant. That's the only way I know how to put it. Unless you can differentiate yourself and the War God, you'll always think that there's something wrong with you always think, well, these things live in me. Because, first of all, you try to say, well, they're out in the world, somehow they're not in me. And then over time, you realise, oh, they are in me and then you try to you know, try to purge yourself, clean yourself, heal yourself.

It's ironic that, you know, I went to the Amazon thinking, Oh, I've got to clean myself purge myself because I'm so dirty. I've got a drug addiction, blah, blah, blah. And I found out Oh, one of your biggest problems is that you think there's something so deeply wrong and flawed with you? You haven't realised that? You know, you're living in a divine Cosmos, these gods can come and work in in through your psyche, you're relating with them all the time. The plant medicine helped me to differentiate and realise war is the these archetypes are living autonomous forces that work in and through everything. And I can have a conscious relationship with them, which helps tremendously, because otherwise, I think there's something wrong with me and I'm trying to deal with a sense of having become the War God, oh, I'm Mars, which means I'm bad, you know. Instead, we learn To recognise these players in our psyche, and then we can stand to have a more conscious relationship with them, we understand the larger divine reality of Mars, which is what we're saying when we say, Mars and Neptune collectively, put them together. And we're talking about giving Mars some transcendent place some transcendent meaning in our lives. That's why books like you know, The Purpose Driven Life or the 10 steps to finding your purpose, or the mission driven life or 10 Habits of Highly of Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, all this kind of stuff. We're always making lists and vision boards. And you know why? Because there's this feeling that unless I take that Mars energy and put it towards something bigger than myself, then I will only be dealing with frustration, or some inherent sense of selfishness, or a failure or an impotency or something like that. So we give to give it some sense of transcendent meaning. So finding that transcendent meaning is a core part of this transit, even if it's just a week long, it's touching, it's tapping into that, what are you doing with your life? Is there a divine larger sense of purpose? Where does Mars play a role in your life? Have you developed your, you know, have you developed the white magic of Mars Neptune, because if you don't, the other side is troubling. The other side is about becoming all powerful. The other side is about trying to is can be masochistic trying to get rid of some inherent flaw that you feel exists in yourself probably related to all the dark Mars stuff, you know. This every day, Mars is in our life, if you watch sports, also, if you turn on any news outlet, I don't care if it's on the left or the right. You have people fighting with each other. And you have content meant to provoke fear and agitation. Facebook recently admits that a lot of the way that it's driven its success has been by to figure out what is divisive and what triggers people because people come back for more people are it get addicted to that kind of stimulation? So tell me again, right? You know, tell me again that Venus doesn't love Mars.

We're addicted to thinking we can, you know, create peace through conflict. Oh, let's fight so we can bring about the best world possible, but we have to fight to get there. That's the real fun part of it that we don't like to admit. Venus loves Mars. They're adulterous, illicit lovers. It's taboo to say so that we like conflict that we like war that we like hostility, it's taboo to say that we love Mars, that Mars is like our illicit lover. But it's true. It's true, because Mars isn't going away. Mars has always been here. We wouldn't be we wouldn't feel complete without some sense that Mars had a larger role to play right now in our lives, is sort of that's why he calls it a terrible love of war. It's not the purely Venusian type of love, the love for Mars.

So, all just things to consider and it's meant today I'm trying to be a little provocative, so you feel a little provoked by this talk. That's sort of the goal. Because when I read Tillman's book, I feel provoked, because I don't generally I'm a pacifist. You know, I'm a vegetarian. I don't I don't like to kill animals, even when I eat my food, you know, probably, you know, whoever, eat differently. I'm not judging anything, just the way I roll. It's difficult to find a place for Mars in our lives. So the point of Mars Neptune is if you avoid finding some transcendent place for Mars as an autonomous function in the psyche, as an autonomous God that we deal with. If you can't recognise your love for Mars, the place of Mars, then you will either use it in ways that are destructive, subtle, tricky, deceptive that's the black magic aspect. You'll or you'll try to flag elate yourself and purge yourself of of Mars because it's evil. Mars Neptune for associate is also associated with the desire to purge is associated with genocide. Get rid of anything that's blemished, so flagellate yourself get rid of your blemishes it's it's associated also with dying for a cause larger than yourself, like a martyr can be associated with terrorism and fanaticism. But it can also be associated with having some autonomous differentiated roles. lationship with Mars that places Mars into a larger Cosmos, that gives Mars a place in your mind in your heart.

And it's only through relationship that we can differentiate. Because differentiation happens through relationship, you want to become someone new, you have to relate to other people differently. Other people are always instrumental in how we change, change doesn't happen in a vacuum, it also it always happens in relationship, you want to change your relationship to the qualities of Mars, then you have to change your relationship with the God within yourself, but also in how you relate to others. And that were Mars Neptune, that means finding some larger way of bringing the reality of Mars to play in your life. So I hope that you guys enjoy this meditation on Mars, and Neptune today. I'll leave us with this last thought. I remember that. When I was first studying astrology, I was drinking, still drinking a lot of ayahuasca. And there was a ceremony that I had, where I saw, I was just starting to understand the archetypes and studying birth charts and stuff. And I was the first time I have Mars Neptune. In ceremony, I was reflecting on Mars, Neptune. And I saw when I was a kid, I was a competitive swimmer. And I remember, specifically, this was just such an interesting memory. Specifically, the feelings that I was able to relive in my body of being a competitive swimmer. And I remember how deeply I disliked it. I love swimming, but how deeply I disliked the training. And I remember specifically when I chose to do competitive swimming, it was when I didn't make the basketball team. So I didn't make the basketball team I tried out and didn't make it. And then I decided to do competitive swimming. And I remember the reason that I stuck with it was because I said, Well, I can't be good at nothing. I can't be good at nothing. So I don't care if it hurts. I don't care if it's mentally draining or exhausting. I don't care if I don't really like it. I'm going to make myself do this. And I'm going to make myself be good at this because I can't be good at nothing. Right? And so my competitive swimming career was marked by this kind of self flagellating, you can't be good at nothing. That was one of my first glimpses of Mars Neptune. I walked away from that ceremony going like holy shit. Like that's, that's a really intense thing. And I remember such feeling such relief like I love to swim. I love swimming. But I didn't like competing. I didn't like the competitive aspect of it. I made myself do it. Because I thought I was worthless. Isn't that interesting? So anyway, that ceremony, I reclaimed something of my joy for water. It was the weirdest thing because, you know, ever since then, and in some specific times, I can remember after that when I would go swimming. I would no longer feel like a competitive swimmer in the water. I used to be a competitive swimmer. It was gone and I just used to think alright, and I would just think to myself, Man, I'm sorry, I did that to myself. Some people love competitive swimming, just not me. So anyway. Okay, that's what I've got for you guys today. I hope you guys are off to a great start to your week, and I look forward to unpacking more the transits of the week as they come through. Uranus is stationing this week Mercury is stationing this week's we've got a lot to talk about. Alright, take it easy, everyone. Bye.