How Ayahuasca Taught Me Astrology: Stay Curious

Hey everyone, this is Adam Elenbaas from nightlight astrology, and today I'm going to return back to a series that I haven't done for a while. I'm going to add another episode to the series that I started making about a year ago on the way in which Ayahuasca shamanism played a significant role in my development and learning process as a professional astrologer. Most people know that I actually came to astrology through the plant medicine. The way that that happened is something I've explained in previous episodes.

Essentially, through working with Ayahuasca consistently over the course of about ten years of my life, a lot of other spiritual gateways and paths opened up, including yoga, meditation, prayer, and herbal medicine. And then, of course, astrology. As I was initially studying astrology, in the first years of studying really intensively and becoming deeply, you know, like infatuated with astrology, basically, Ayahuasca played a really important role in terms of teaching me astrology, you could say.

The ceremonies have the ability to really teach you anything, anything that you're naturally interested in, like, if you were a figure skater and you were drinking loads of Ayahuasca, there would be a way in which Ayahuasca would contribute to your development as a figure skater. So I'm not saying that it chose me uniquely or something, you know, it's not like anyone who was studying astrology regularly and drinking plant medicine regularly would see that there were natural ways in which the plant medicine would help you develop your craft as an astrologer. That's just kind of how Ayahuasca is, and plant medicines, in general, can be that way. So this series is dedicated to as I'm, you know, aging, and I'm trying to kind of chronicle the ways in which Ayahuasca had a direct and immediate impact on how I do astrology, or how I came to understand astrology, both philosophically and in some cases, practically, technically. So that's the purpose of the series. And I know for some people, this might be a little off the beaten path, but I hope that you'll enjoy it and that these insights will be transferable somehow.

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All right. So one of the things that Ayahuasca taught me, and it's funny because it's not like the plant medicine just suddenly pops up and says, This is the lesson, this is God, and this is your lesson. It has a way of imparting the plant medicine, Ayahuasca, in particular, has a way of imparting its lessons through time and experience through repetition of different themes and experiences. You come to first understand things often instinctually and without being able to put words to it right away. It often has taken me, you know, taken me many years in some ways to verbalize or articulate some of the things that I learned from drinking Ayahuasca for a long time. And also to understand how the things I learned were crucial to my development as an astrologer for those years in which I was both studying astrology regularly, starting a practice, and then also drinking plant medicine very regularly.

The main thing that Ayahuasca taught me that I want to focus on in this episode is to stay curious. And I want to delve into the word curiosity a little bit; I have the etymology pulled up here. So it means from Latin cūriōsitās from cūriōsus. I'm not sure if I'm pronouncing those correctly, but it means to relate to things with care, a combination of careful, inquisitive, carefulness, and to be careful and inquisitive.

Now, the caring part is important because the caring part shows emotional attentiveness and devotional attentiveness. And the inquisitive part of it shows mental curiousness. That's why I choose the word curious because it's a word that captures both a kind of care, a soulful, caring, devoted quality, combined with a mentally open stimulated intelligent quality. And I did not come to this realization without a lot of struggle. In fact, I would say that this insight was born out of some of the most profound struggles that I experienced in Ayahuasca ceremonies.

For those of you who don't know, Ayahuasca involves the ingestion of a powerful plant medicine, a combination of a leaf and a vine, that stimulates and creates a psychedelic experience. And that psychedelic experience is very powerful, visionary, often purgative, very terrifying, but also blissful. You often will release in physical ways through diarrhea, through vomiting, through screaming through, laughing, and crying. You're also getting in touch with some very powerful, unconscious, material, pain and trauma, as well as, you know, the deeper riddles of our existence. It's very profound. And people often experience dramatic shifts in their life as a result of working with Ayahuasca, though it's not perfect plant medicine, and I don't think it's right for everyone. And I certainly am not like, oh, go drink Ayahuasca it'll solve all your problems.

For me, it was a huge impact on my life. I wouldn't be who I am and have built Nightlight if it weren't for what Ayahuasca taught me. And one of the things that it taught me through some of the most harrowing experiences was to stay curious, careful, inquisitive, devoted, and open. And so, how did you do that? Well, I'm gonna give you five ways in which it taught me to stay curious.

Number one was that staying curious was a form of survival in Ayahuasca ceremonies. I didn't think that I had any; I didn't know that I had any options. When it came to confronting things that I was deeply, deeply afraid of. Psychological experiences, mostly in Ayahuasca ceremonies, visions, and inner emotional realities. Coming in contact with those things was really scary. You know, and anyone who's worked with Ayahuasca knows exactly what I'm talking about. It's harrowing. I didn't know that there was any option for, like, I don't know, 40 ceremonies or so. Really, maybe less than that. 3040, I did over 100, So 30-40 ceremonies of screaming, barfing, shitting myself, you know, I mean, crying, I mean, really, really intense stuff. I didn't know that when confronted with some of the most powerful and profound visions and inner, you know, realities that were scary that I had any option but to completely lose it. And there was a shift. You know, again, I'm just guessing 30-40 ceremonies in where I suddenly said, I've been here before, you know, I wonder if there's we could do this a different way.

We see how it started with. I wonder. I wonder, huh? And in that little I wonder, there's a magical, there's an intersection of magical intersection between care and concern and curiosity, inquisitive nature that somehow just showed up and said, I just wonder if there's a different way of doing this. I remember as soon as I; it's like your thoughts become, your thoughts become like shapes and forms and visuals. And as soon as when confronted with dark, terrifying things, my mind became curious. It shifted the nature of what I was seeing and experiencing. It didn't remove, you know, didn't completely alter it, but it changed if I had to put it this way.

This is a metaphor because it's really hard to describe these altered states, right, but let's say that you see a terrifying demon rabbit. I've no idea why you'd be seeing a demon rabbit. I'm thinking of Donnie Darko. You guys know that movie. So like, let's say Donnie Darko's terrifying rabbit shows up, and you're having an Ayahuasca experience. You could freak out, and you know, mostly that's what I was doing. And then you'd be barfing and processing at lightspeed layers and layers of stuff related to this psychic image? Well, if you were to suddenly go, I wonder if there's a different way of relating to this vampire demon rabbit. If you were to do that, then what would happen?

It's interesting because if you behold the demon rabbit through the lens of curiosity, it doesn't like totally change the appearance of the demon rabbit. But it suddenly might open up dimensions of that psychic image that's there in the visionary space and offer you things that weren't there before. It reshapes and shifts the landscape. In other words, to be curious.

So one of the things that I learned, here we go, sorry, one of the things that I learned was in order to survive some of the most terrifying things, the best thing to do was when those things came to literally say, in my head, or you know, my mind to voice, what are you? What is your nature? Why are you here? What do I have to learn from you? And sometimes, the thing that was there to learn still required that I would, you know, sometimes have to vomit. But it was interesting because the more curious I was, the less intense I would spin out. And it was like, suddenly, there was a new muscle that I had in response to things that were foreign, scary, difficult, different, alien, and usually overwhelming and sort of scary; I would just say, what are you? Why are you here? What's your nature? And instead of assuming what it was and then reacting, there was a way of asking a meaningful question.

You know, I might still have to go through some pretty dark spaces and confront things that came up. But it felt like I was moving meaningfully through a labyrinth rather than just, you know, running, trying to avoid something that was trying to destroy me. It's like now I'm moving through a maze with this psychic terror, and I'm having to assume that it's not just one thing, it's not just bad and out to get me; it's that things and events and experiences psychically or in the world are multi-dimensional and that care, concern, curiosity, a devotional inquisitiveness, opens things up and allows for a multiple, a multiplicity of responses, and experiences. And so curiosity became one of the ways of surviving.

One of the ways that this paired with astrology was that once I realized that events and experiences in my life outside of Ayahuasca ceremonies could also be opened up and made multi-dimensional through the symbols of astrology, I found that astrology gave me a natural way of staying curious about my life and surviving it, so to speak, surviving the scary parts of my life, especially.

Number two, stay curious as the best question. When things would come up for me in Ayahuasca ceremonies that were perplexing or that I didn't understand, which is a hugely overwhelming part of Ayahuasca ceremonies is, things coming up. And it's like this cosmic Why, what is this? Like, what is this? Why? And there's a sense of being overwhelmed and confused, and your mind just can't; it's like spinning out. And I found that the same muscle could be used to ask a meaningful question and that If I were able to ask a meaningful question from a space of care, concern, inquisitiveness, open-minded devotedness, Why are you here? What message do you bring? I can't understand you? Could you help me understand? See that just that little turn, the curious, careful turn.

There's this thing in the history of, you know, divination, and diviners have always said things like, if you ask a good question, the best questions get the best answers. If when you ask a really good question of an oracle or the universe itself, you get a good answer. It's like that knock, and the door will open kind of thing. When you can turn from confusion and overwhelm to asking any kind of meaningful question, it generally gives a beautiful answer, and the answer you can appreciate, and it turns confusion into appreciation.

The key is in the face of confusion and overwhelm. To ask any sincere question, maybe it's not the best question; maybe it's just a sincere question, an honest question. The answer will come. And that's the profound way to shift out of confusion and overwhelm, which was something I had to do a lot in Ayahuasca ceremonies; the further I got in, a skill that I learned. Curiosity is a muscle to work. This carries over in astrology because when astrological experiences come into our lives so many times, what do clients say when they come? Why is this here? Well, let's ask some questions. You know, it's a good starting place. Why is this here? Right? Let's ask more questions. Let's open this up deeper. The more questions we ask, the more that the symbols speak, and they give such meaningful answers. And our job as astrologers is to not give the answer but one of many or help people unpack those answers that the symbols provide. That can't happen if we don't stay curious about our own experiences and ask questions of them. Careful, devoted questions.

Stay curious as the easiest form of release. Sometimes in Ayahuasca ceremonies are stuff you have to let go of assumptions, trauma, you know, baggage, pain, ego, you know, your entitlement, whatever, so many things that you, you know, and this isn't obviously what I'm saying this stuff. I know that sometimes people hear this, and it's like, well, I've done this work through something else. And like, of course, there are so many ways to do all of these things. It doesn't; it's not just unique to Ayahuasca people who can find that they're doing similar work. There are so many different modalities, but for me, it just happened to be Ayahuasca, but sometimes you have to release something. And it's, you know, Oscar ceremonies, you'll fight against it. I don't want to puke; I don't want to lose it. I don't want to scream; I don't wanna cry. There's such resistance to just letting go of energy that's pent up emotionally, physically, whatever.

When it came to barfing, sometimes, if I would just go, Oh, this is interesting. I'm gonna puke. I wonder if I could do this without losing my mind. Just that kind of shift. What could this be like? What could this release be like if I'm not attached to it? Then the releasing becomes so much more easily. And I would attribute it's the same muscle. I don't know if curiosity is the same exact word for this muscle in this case, but it's like, I'm not going to make any assumptions here about I need to barf, or I need to scream, or I need to cry. I need to shake something like that's going to happen, and I can feel it coming. Okay, well, what would happen if I just sort of went with it, you know, kind of opened myself up? And it's just that that little turn of opening the mind?

What could this be? Maybe this could be easier than I think it will be. As soon as I would make those turns, it's amazing how easily and like far less dramatic the stuff would come out. And I found that similarly, living an astrological life, day to day that if, when it's time to do hard things, they're easier to do when I stay curious. Ha. What will this transit require of me? What will it bring? What will I learn if I go through with the difficult things that I can feel this transit wanting me to do? If I stay open, and especially if I stay embracing the fact that it's okay to go through hard things to release and let go and, you know, purge, purify, it's not always easy to do that stuff. But if I assume that it could be, maybe it will be better than I think it will be.

As soon as I make that shift in the midst of astrological transits in my life, they always get better. I remember I had Saturn squaring my ascendant, and I said, I wonder how this could go, because I was feeling it really feeling and I was like, I wonder how this could go that would be like, you know, different? Like, is there a way of letting this come through me? That would be like not I'm not hurting and fighting against it as much.

One of the things I ended up doing while Saturn was squaring my ascendant was going on midnight walks out in the like minus 20 degrees, windchill every night, really bundling up and needing that cold. And it was funny because it was the same energy that was trying to seep in and, you know, come through me and be released or worked with or whatever. And just in being intending to the experience with a kind of devoted inquisitiveness, I found a way of working with and through that little season of Saturn square my ascendant this winter. I think that's a great example of something that Ayahuasca taught me how to do by staying curious and how curiosity can help us work with and move through difficult patches.

Number four is that staying curious is the gateway to intimacy. You know, it's a funny thing, how the assumptions we make about one another, the judgments we make about one another. They keep us from growing together. When someone is changing, sometimes we say I don't like the way you're changing, rather than saying, that's interesting. How are you changing? I want to know more about you. I'm interested and curious to know who you're becoming. Staying curious is a way of building intimacy with experience itself and with other beings.

Experience itself is a kind of being. It's a little bit less tangible, but astrology is something that similarly teaches us to stay curious about your experience, and that curiosity will lead you into deeper and deeper states of love and connection to your own life. And, to me, in Ayahuasca ceremonies, I saw that the more I stayed curious, the more I grew to love the experiences, and I really by like ceremony, 50 or 60,70, somewhere in there. There were difficult experiences, but I would walk away just like, wow, I was like, every ceremony I would just be like, Man, you know, that was brutal, but whoa, was it beautiful? Because this appreciating capacity was growing in me because that muscle became like, just keep working, that you know, just keep staying curious, devoted, inquisitive, open-minded.

Keep relating with love and devotion to your experiences, asking questions, and opening them up, you'll live through it, and more than that, you'll start falling in love. This is not a love that is connected to just one being or one person, or one thing. It's a love that starts living in your heart, and you start feeling it as the fearful essence of all things.

Number five is stay curious as an interdimensional standard. This one's fun. I found that you know, in Ayahuasca ceremonies, there are beings that show up. I don't know what they are aliens, angels, plant spirits, ancestors. There are beings that show up, though, that is for sure. And people who have worked with plant medicine, you know exactly what I'm talking about. And what I found time and time again was that I'll just I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say this. I'm guessing that one of the standards for relating to beings from other parts of the universe is curiosity.

When I would meet and encounter beings, whether those are just the personification of, like, multi-dimensional archetypes, I don't know. But when I would meet beings and encounter images that had their own ontology, their own sentience, and I would, I would take the posture of curiosity. It was as though that was it's like that was the etiquette that would open up a willingness to exchange, to teach, to share, to talk, to communicate, to enlighten, to heal.

There are, in my humble opinion, this universe is filled with all different kinds of beings. And my guess is that the more highly evolved beings take as a sign of another being. Like being that they're safe, that they're intelligent, and that they're worthy of love and relationship that a high standard is to note and to observe beings' curiosity, are they curious? Are they inquisitive, open, devoted, or interested?

So, I personally believe that this helped me tremendously as an astrologer because we are working with, on a certain level, we are working with the gods, the realm of the gods. So that might be something that we could have lots of conversations about what the gods are or archetypes and so forth, but they are alive; they have being, and they will speak to us, and in my experience, the best way to develop a relationship with the planets and with the archetypes is to be devoted, humble, open, curious.

So these are some of the lessons that Ayahuasca taught me about curiosity and how they have carried over and made a big played a big role in my life as an astrologer as well. I hope that this was useful and interesting for all of you guys. If you have anything, you guys would like to share comments or things that you've learned about astrology through any medium or modality that you've experienced? I'd love to hear from you guys. Share your comments in the comment section. You can find a transcript of today's talk again on nightlightastrology.com. Alright, that's it for now. Take it easy, everyone. Bye.