Reading Your Questions: Marriage, Family, Business, and Spirituality

Hey everyone, this is Adam Elenbaas from Nightlight Astrology, and today, we are going to be taking a look at some of the questions that you have sent in since our last Q&A episode. So I titled these episodes Reading Your Questions, and then I organized the episodes; this is only our second one. So what I've been doing is I've been organizing the episodes according to like types of questions that all kind of complement or go together, and for this one, a lot of you, I aggregated questions that a lot of you were directing, not only toward me but toward Ashley and me together some individually for Ashley some for us as a married couple and I thought they would make kind of a fun episode and it's always fun to have Ashley on. So that is what we're going to do today.

Before we get into it, as always, don't forget to like and subscribe, share your comments and reflections, and if you have more questions for future episodes, feel free to drop them in the comment section; we have someone who collects them for us. You can find transcripts of any of my daily talks on the website nightlightastrology.com.

Next week, we will be starting to promote my fall program, Ancient Astrology for the Modern Mystic; you can go and start learning more about that now before promotion officially begins next week by going over to the website nightlight astrology.com and checking out the Courses page go to the first year program Ancient Astrology for the Modern Mystic to learn more or, for more information on any of our programs, you can check out the course list there.

My wait time for readings has been coming down because we've restructured the way that the scheduling is working. So you also have less to wait for a birth chart reading. If you want to sign up for one, you can do that over there on the website info@nightlightastrology.com.
Well, on that note, I'm very happy to have Ashley, my lovely wife, back on the show today.

Ashley
Hey, hello. Good to be back.

Adam Elenbaas
Yeah, it's good to have you back, and you know, the funny thing is, I know what these questions are, but I have hidden them; Ashley does not know what they are; By the way, I've deliberately not sat down and written out my answers or anything just so that way it's a level playing field so that Ashley and I both have not had any time to prep, and that makes it kind of fun.

So we've got ten questions that you guys have. Today, we're gonna be reading your questions, doing our best to answer them, and I think that this is fun because we can talk a little bit about astrology, herbs, we can talk about all the topics that you guys are curious to hear us speak to and thank you to everybody who submitted these questions and again if you ever have a question you'd like to submit, you can just throw it in the chat box and just mark that it's for a future Q&A episode.

Just let us know that that's what you're asking, and then we aggregate those, and then occasionally we're doing these episodes because, frankly, you guys send in questions year-round, and there's just no way that I can respond to all the emails, Instagram texts, all these different things.

So this is kind of a way of making sure that we also acknowledge and honor you guys are asking really nice questions, and as people that you listen to, you listen to my channel regularly, a lot of you guys do, or semi-regularly, you want to know a little bit more about the people that you're listening to, or you want to ask their opinions about different topics in astrology.

So today, we're focusing on questions that you sent us about marriage, family, business, and spirituality, and really the intersection of all of those things, and most of you guys know or seem to have known who wrote in these questions that Ashley and I have been together since 2011, and owned a yoga studio for almost a decade, and then have still continued to run our businesses together.

Our yoga studio was called Skyhouse Yoga, that was kind of an umbrella for Nightlight Astrology and Ashley's herbal medicine, Skyhouse Herbs, and then we had yoga offerings and facilitated all sorts of classes and different practitioners in our yoga studio.

So a lot of these questions come from those of you who know that we have a background running a business together as a married couple, and they were really, I thought, really some thoughtful questions that came in. But then there are some fun individual questions that you had for each of us individually. So, I've kind of broken it up and will alternate answering some of your questions as well. Are you ready?

Ashley
Ready? Let's do this.

Adam Elenbaas
Alright, question number one. I have to I have to question the premise of this question. What goes into a successful, healthy marriage from your perspective? Now, this person, I'm summarizing what people wrote in, and this was a question that has been repeated in a number of different ways.

First of all, for all of those of you out there who seem to think that Ashley and I have a healthy marriage. That's very flattering. Thank you. We are not qualified to speak as experts of some kind of perfect, like, oh, like I just first of all, I will just say that's very flattering those of you who asked this type of question for us.

I think we probably have just as many problems and challenges as most couples who are on the path of marriage. So I don't want to answer this question from some kind of delusional place that, you know what I mean? So, I don't know.

I'll let Ashley start. What do you think? Let's put it this way. Success is a relative term. Right. So I like the word health a little bit better. Sure. Insofar as we've had a healthy marriage, I think both of us agree that our marriage we've been blessed with a pretty healthy marriage. What do you think? What are some of the things that you think have gone into it? No, I'll give my perspective too.

Ashley
Sure. I think one of the main things is that we really like each other, and we're interested in each other. I mean, when I first met you, I thought the kinds of things you were interested in and the way you articulated yourself; you were just an interesting person and an attractive person, and I feel like that interest has never, you know, it's never waned, like, we've always had this curiosity about each other, and interest and liking each other. I feel like that's been really big.

Then I think another thing is, we've been pretty adaptable over the years, and I think that for me, it's something that I've seen, you know, we've had to work on, I think, sometimes it's like, there's a part of each of us that wants to kind of stay in the way things were, but life as we know, it never stopped changing.

So you have to adapt, and I feel like in our marriage, we've been able to make changes, you know, like hard changes, like closing down our yoga studio, that was not an easy choice. But we could both see, and I think we communicated really well, like, Okay, this isn't working anymore, we need to make a choice, we need to adapt to what's different, which for us was having children, really changed the way we ran our business.

Then, you know, during the pandemic, we realized where we were living wasn't conducive to our souls and who we are and the way and the pace that we want to live, and so we made some hard choices of moving and relocating our family, and adapting to what those changing needs were.

So I think to start us off, I think those like liking each other, having been able to adapt and change together, you know, like, changing as a unit and talking that through, I think that's been really key and what's been going really well for us, you know, like those, I think, support our strengths.

Adam Elenbaas
To me, there's like different ingredients can make for a healthy relationship, and not everyone needs the same ingredients. So, like, maybe for us, it's been, one thing that I would say is probably important for most relationships is that there be just that kind of chemical attraction like that, you're that you're attracted to one another because that goes a long way when it comes to affection and romance and just attraction is probably an ingredient that I would say.

If I look at my clients over the years, like when I see people who have seemed to have healthy relationships, one thing that's there is they seem to be perpetually attracted to their partner. So maybe that's one ingredient that's sort of more commonly a part of successful brews, or like, crockpots, or whatever.

For us, I feel like aside from attraction, interest, I would agree, is probably one of the biggest ones. I don't think as partners, we need to be doing exactly the same things. But I think that inch, like interest and even appreciation for what our partners are into and who they are, like, because I feel the same way like I was like, you know, I'm coming from the world of entheogens and plant medicine, and I'm into astrology, and I meet an herbalist who's into yoga, and they're not exactly the same things, but there was like, Oh, I really appreciate what you like, and what you study and what you're good at and, you know, stuff like that.

In addition to being attracted to you as a person and, like, I think so, I think yeah, interest is probably a big one for us. We've always been really interested. I would say, though, for us, one of the themes is that because my mom once asked me this question, she was like, she was just saying, you guys are doing so well. It's really nice. Like, like, you guys are good parents, like you're, you know, it's hard being married. You guys are doing a nice job. What do you think about your relationship is, you know, kind of an ally or you know, what's the ally that helps you, I was like, you know, honestly, one thing about Ashley and I, that's pretty connected.

Not perfect because there are times when both of us are stubborn, and one is like, I just have to be right. I can't be wrong in this situation. But I would say over the years, one feature of our relationship that I think has been really healthy has been that we care more about each other than being right. That that there are times, of course, where we'll dig our heels in, but like, pretty consistently, I know that if I'm, we're fighting about something, at some point, someone's just gonna say, look, I love you more than I need to win this right now.

It's one of the two of us who will always do that, and I feel like that's, I don't know, I just feel like that's, that's for whatever reason, that space of like, I just love you more than I care to be right in this situation and I feel like that's true for friendships, or relationships that are healthy in general, that you really care more about the person than defending your own position and things. If it gets to the point where it's like, okay, so we're gonna get hurt, or it's, you know, it's like, you don't let it get that far where you're like, I'm just gonna lay down my sword, I love you more than I care to be right.

Ashley
Yeah, that's a good one. I do want to say that you've always been historically better at that than me, my devil Taurus; my heels get in the mud a little bit more. But I think that out also points to something that I think has made our marriage last, which is being influenced, like being open to being influenced by each other.

I remember someone that I worked with mentioned this as, like, one of the things that they've seen in their therapy practice for many couples is if you are able to be influenced by your partner, that's a sign of a healthy marriage, and I feel like you were always able to, especially early on, you know, lay down your sword and be like, look, you know, what, I'd rather be wrong, then, then be far away from you and, you know, it was like, Whoa, you know because I didn't grow up with that, that was not modeled to me.

So I feel like, you know, watching, you do that and say, you know, what, I'm sorry, I'm wrong and me being like, oh, and then saying, Can I do that, and you know, it, I think eventually, then that became a practice because I was allowing you to influence me and change my perception of what a relationship looks like, and so I started adapting that, and it felt so much better, I was like, wow, this is great, this is a much better way to be with your partner.

Adam Elenbaas
That's, that's such a good point, being able to be influenced by another person in a relationship, and I think this extends again to like friendships even, you know, I would say, by the same token, over the years, I've tended to be the more structured, disciplined person with habits and practices and you've really taught me not that I don't need them, but I've been able to receive your influence and saying, you can hold these things in a more gentle and less rigid way that you can have your daily this or your daily that, but you don't have to hold it in a way that's like, abrasive or hard, you know, like, militant.

So I mean, that's an example of how you've influenced me in the opposite direction. But I think that's a great point that overall, it's like, okay, so there's, maybe it's important to be attracted, and it's important to have interest or appreciation for who your partner is, and what they're into.

Adaptability in being able to change together, and influence being able to be influenced by the other person, caring more about the relationship than having to be right, and I think what we're talking about really is when we're at our best because, of course, there's going to be days and little seasons in a relationship, where these are the lessons you're learning because we're being stubborn or something, you know, so it's like, it's not, I don't want to make it sound like we're saying that we've always been these are things that we've learned and developed.

Ashley
Yeah.

Adam Elenbaas
The only other thing that I would think to add would be that, for us, sharing spirituality, we've, both of us have always had different ways of pursuing divinity or spirituality or whatever you want to call it. But that's something that we've shared, and frankly, I think that one of the things I hear the most in my astrology practice from people who are frustrated in their relationships is that they're with a wonderful person, but they don't share a spiritual orientation, and that can be really hard.

So you know, there's a lot that goes into the crock pot again and not every ingredient. I don't think we're trying to say anything about what anyone else should do, but just, you know, kind of some of the stuff that we've done and so, I don't know, hopefully you guys find that interesting.

Let's see, let's go into number two. Another question that came up in a few different forms was what is the best and worst parts of running a business together as a couple?

Ashley
Now we get into the nitty-gritty.

Adam Elenbaas
Yeah, well, I'll start with what the I'll start with what the best is, okay. I think the best is that if you like, if, you know, not everyone's meant, like every relationship is meant to do that, first of all, and like, I don't think it's some ideal. It's like, who you're in, and I really, really don't like over the years sometimes, because we've had a business together, people, people have called us a power couple. Yeah, I just loathe that description because we're not like, you know, I would say that our desire to work together hasn't been like, let's join forces and conquer the world.

Ashley
Exactly. It's been more like, this is fun. Like, let's keep having fun together.

Adam Elenbaas
Yes, and that's my favorite part, like, if you enjoy the person you're working with, and I think we really enjoy working with each other, and you have a good rapport, and you're able to like, share and balance decision making and creativity, then it's really fun to work together. That's the obvious benefit is it's just super fun, and you get to spend time together, and you get to share a portion of your life where, honestly, like a lot of people, you know, they don't see their spouse all day long, then until the evening, and then there's kids and so we've been really fortunate to share our days together often, in a workspace that's, you know, creative and pretty fun.

Ashley
Yeah, yeah, and I, so can I go to the worst?

Adam Elenbaas
Yeah, go for it. Don't hurt my feelings.

Ashley
I will not hurt your feelings, I think. But I think you would agree with me on this. I think there's, there's two things that are really hard. I think one is like personal space. I mean, right now, we have separate offices, but for, you know, in our first few spaces, we shared offices, and that was really hard. I remember you being like, do you have to type so loud?

So I think like the proximity, like, if you have a small workspace like that can be really challenging, because I think as humans, we need personal, you know, like we need to have, we need privacy and space for some parts of the creative process. So, I think that that can be challenging. We actually got separate offices, I think that really helped us with our work, and we would still, like, yell across like, babe, do you want some tea, or, you know, like, come in here and take a look at this thing that I'm making and, you know, so the proximity is nice. Also, you know, because you can, that creative flow can happen when you're when you're near each other.

One thing that I think is tricky, though, is expectations. I think one thing that a lot of couples can run into when they're running a business together is they're expecting their partner to do something and that might not be part of the original agreement and, you know, there's this image of like, you know, every relationship and I think this works really well for business, you know, couples working as in a business together is like, there's you know, every couple has two baskets.

One basket is where you have your expectations, and the other basket is where you have your hopes, visions, and dreams, so if you can, instead of putting things into the expectation basket, you should always be putting more and more things into your hopes, visions and dreams basket for your partner.

So, basically, anticipating what are their needs? What are their hopes? How can I help and continue to fill that basket. Because otherwise, if you're putting your expectations, if that baskets becoming full, then it creates more pressure and on the relationship as a whole, and so I think, you know, as long as the communication is really clear, and if you need something that needs to be done, like my dad always used to say this, he like to my mom, or he'd be like, my mom would be like, we need to clean out the garage, and my dad would say who you are and the little mouse in your pocket. Like, who's we?

You know, instead of being like, you know, we need to do this, like if I've learned if I want to see something happen, then I just do it, and maybe I'll ask for help, but I don't expect my partner to do things if they're things I want to have happen.

Adam Elenbaas
Right. I would say another difficult part is, a challenging part is that when you're working with, you know, someone that you love there; ideally, you want to both feel like you're carrying an equal load and delivering equal results. But the truth is that in our history, it doesn't work like that. There were times when the yoga studio and Ashley's yoga teacher training programs carried the bulk of our revenue.

There's been times, like more. So now Ashley is spending more full-time mothering, and, you know, my programs are sort of carrying the weight. But I think it's a challenge, one that I think, actually, we've adapted to really well; it's not really a challenge for us anymore. But earlier on, it was like, Well, my program should be as successful and, you know, and popular as Ashley's or vice versa, and so I think you also have to, if you're running a business with someone, just recognize that there's going to be peaks and valleys for each person in terms of how much they're doing, how much they're capable of doing and how much what the results are and you can't keep, you can't keep score, you have to just trust that things will balance out and as long as you know, you have an understanding of how to ideally share the load and share the results no matter whose they are. That's been that's something we had to learn pretty early on.

Ashley
Yeah, yeah, and like this quote, like, if it's good for you, it's good for us. If it's good for me, it's good for us, and I think that is really helpful, you know, is celebrating each other's successes because they're shared successes.

Adam Elenbaas
That's right. Yeah, exactly. I can't think of right now, though. Ashley's not teaching her herbal programs, right? The success that I have doing my programs isn't possible if Ashley isn't doing a million things during the day with our girls right now because they're little and at a stage where they need that, and that was the choice that Ashley made.

I can't sit back and think, oh, well, this is my success and Ashley's successes with parenting. No, it's like, it's a team effort, and everyone's success is everyone's success. That's really how we try to look at it.

Well, this leads to question number three for Ashley. Ashley, what led you to your decision to take time off from herbal work and focus on mothering? Like how did you get to that point? And several questions like this have come in. Also, follow-up questions which some people have and some people didn't, but I thought I'd include which was, Do you ever regret it? Do you? Do you ever regret it? Not having kids? But do you ever regret basically pulling back on the amount of work you were doing to focus on mothering? But what are your thoughts on these questions?

Ashley
Yeah, well, for me, it was just a matter of balance, like work-life work, home balance, and self-care balance, too, and I've always been a very ambitious person. I have got Mercury, Mars, and Venus all in Aries and in my 10th house. So I've always been very ambitious and driven and want to be successful and want to do work in communities, and so when I had kids, it really humbled me. I was like, wow, I can't do it all at the level that I want to do it, and so I think it was a gradual process for me.

It wasn't like one. It wasn't like one day, I was like, Okay, I've got to change gears. It was really more on, kind of like the way water wears away a stone, as I was paying more attention to myself and my rhythms and my relationships with my husband, with my kids, and with the business. It was like slowly all the signs were saying less, you know, you got to take this one off now. Okay, no more teacher training programs. Got it. Okay. Now, we're going to move everything early online. Okay, now we're going to close down the physical studio. Okay.

So it was like, slowly, over time, I was letting things go off my plate. I know not for everyone you know, for some people that work full time. It might be more like a yes or no; it might be like, I'm either working or not. But for me, it was a gradual process. Because everything I do has to be slow, it took time for me to realize it and to notice I was just able to be a better version of myself as I started letting go of more and more responsibilities at work.

It was interesting because as I was letting go of those things, you know, Adam's work started to grow. So it was like, it was like feedback from the universe. I was paying attention like, Okay, how was it going to look and feel for us as a unit? If I start to pull back and then Adam's work started to build, and I was like, Okay, this is this feels okay, this feels good. It feels like things are moving in the right direction, and yeah, I mean, I think for me, having my girls, at this stage in their lives and in my life, like I can't think of any better work, and I'm still an herbalist like my girls are in the garden with me. We dry plants, you know, we harvest vegetables together.

Adam Elenbaas
Our community herbal medicine gatherings weve been hosting.

Ashley
I'm still engaged in the herbal work, and I'm still, you know, focusing on being a mom, and I'm finding that they are actually there's, there's so much more crossover than I would have anticipated. I think I originally thought either you have to pick one or the other, ultimately, but I've found ways to blend the things I love and my work with being a mom, and I don't regret it. I think early on, it was hard because I missed community, and that was when COVID hit too, and I just felt really kind of isolated and alone, and I, I don't think I'm, you know, I don't think that's unique to me during that time.

So I don't regret that change at all, and I know that as my girls get older, I can build my herbal career back if I so choose. Right now, I'm in a place of just really appreciating and being happy where I am, and keeping my finger on the pulse of the herbal world and doing workshops here, and they're doing interviews with herbalist teat; I taught this summer at a few herbal gatherings and did a few different workshops and conferences.

So, you know, I don't think I will ever let that thread go completely of my work. But it's it's, I'm letting it be. I'm letting it kind of be an underlying. It's like it's like an underground well now rather than it being a river that I'm trying to, you know, move and like direct.

Adam Elenbaas
Sometimes, I think of it like a fire that you're continuing to tend to that you're not like it's not the massive bonfire that it was; you're also not letting it die out. You're keeping that flame lit.

The next question is also for you, and this came; the person who wrote this one was sharing that. Basically, there are a lot of women out there who don't have a choice to be a mom or to work they have to work. You know, and a lot of people are in that situation, whether it's single parents, or, you know, both parents are working to make ends meet, and this question was, broadly speaking, what advice would you give or what's worked for you so far, in terms of balancing your own needs, or your own spirituality, with being a mom and then this person added and maybe by extension, those mothers out there who are also working full time.

Ashley did have a period for several years of working full time and mothering, so she can speak to this, but it's obviously not the exact you're able to focus a little bit more on mothering now, and so that takes a little bit off the plate, some people may not be able to hold but and by extension, this person was just sort of asking, what kinds of practices or what, like, what kinds of self-care habits do you have that go into keeping that balance?

Ashley
So, that's a really good question, and I feel like I'm still figuring it out. So, you know, I don't have like a tried and true formula, and I think I've learned a lot from what doesn't work, you know, like, I think a lot of things I've tried like being really rigid, like, wake up, do yoga, this that, you know, and like being really rigid, didn't work and being really kind of lazy, didn't work, like letting things happen didn't really work either.

So I think at this point in my life, one thing I've been really developing is being able to actually hear my own needs, like for I think most of my life, I didn't even know what I needed or wanted or like I was very outward-oriented and while I was a yoga teacher and you know, like, I really had to work hard on cultivating that inner space, and I'm still doing that and for me, taking a little bit of time every morning to just check in with myself and say how am I feeling and sometimes it doesn't happen in the morning, but just at some point during the day.

Ashley, how are you? Are you doing okay? Have you had enough water? Do you need do you need a little walk? Like I'm like a, you know, complicated, you know, dog or like a houseplant. Did you get your sunshine? Did you get your water? But sometimes, just asking those simple questions and taking that moment to check in will really help me orient how I use my energy and how I use my resources during the day.

Adam Elenbaas
One thing that you, I'll just interject really quickly here, one thing that you've started doing and that I've seen really work for you, especially when you're in the space of, like, the chaos of the kids and their wildest, you know, moments or whatever it is, you'll tell the kids, you'll literally say, Mommy needs to sit down for a minute and just check in with herself and see how she's feeling, and I need to take care of my second myself for a second, right, and our kids are a little bit older now where like they can play and stuff. But you know, taking that moment, or you know, when the kids were little,

Ashley
I would just walk outside, I would be like, babe, mom, like, sanity moment, like, I just need to stand outside and like, stare into space for a minute.

Adam Elenbaas
Be like, if, and don't be surprised if I wander off into the woods and never return.

Ashley
I always came back.

Adam Elenbaas
I think that that is such a simple, powerful thing that I've seen you bring in, and you've taught me to do, too, which is just in the midst of chaos when we're most likely to start. I don't know, protecting ourselves self-medicating, in not so healthy ways, whatever, you just sit down and be like, I need to check in with myself and see how I'm feeling and what I might need in this moment and obviously, like we're both still completely insane people, and we don't have anything figured out. But I've seen that really work for you in terms of just catching your breath and especially when it's like, okay, I'm close to spinning out. Let me just sit down and check-in.

Ashley
Yeah, yeah. So I think that's like the that's the core practice that I have and, ideally, if I can do that, in the morning, before the kids even wake up, you know, Adam and I have a practice now, which is really helpful, where we just sit and read together, and you know, just having that quiet adult time and I think being connected to, you know, for me being connected to you as like, you know, another stable base and making sure that connection stays strong throughout the day really helps me from spinning out, and I know not everyone has that.

So that might make those check-ins or even checking in with a friend. Just like having points of checking in with yourself and checking in with those who you love can be really helpful. In terms of being present.

One thing that I've been doing lately with the girls that I think has been really helpful for all of us is getting down to their level, you know, like, some are screaming because the shirt doesn't fit the way she wanted it to and our hair sticking up weird and when it's like insanity, it's like, okay, I want to say it's not a big deal, let's move on.

But if I can actually just get down to their level and, like, literally get eye level with them and take a deep breath and just acknowledge, like, you're having a really hard time right now, aren't you? Yeah, and then just like, you know, acknowledging where, you know, the girls are at in that moment and then letting them just, you know, be like, just creating a little bubble of safety, for me, and for them to just be present for like, even if it's just like 30 seconds and then like gathering ourselves together and then being able to transition to the next thing because I know when I tried to bulldoze and push the kids through feelings, and push myself through discomfort, it always backfires.

Adam Elenbaas
Yeah, and I think, you know, again, like the answer that is the most sincere and real answer as well, it's very flattering that you would think that we would have any answers. It's very easy to project a nice little image of ourselves, you know, on social media, because this is what we do for a living, and we're not going to project images of ourselves, you know, with not having bathed, looking like we got punched in the eye, got in a fight with a raccoon and, you know, are screaming at our own kids or whatever.

Ashley
Like what happened yesterday in the carpool line, I just lost the plot for a minute. I just spun out, you know, and it's like, but you know, the thing is, that was a low moment for me, and then, you know, after I had my total meltdown, then we know when we got home, I just said I said to the kids, I'm sorry. You know what, like, mom really freaked out. I didn't know, it was a really stressful moment. They were telling me to go, but the kid was in the car, and there was just this whole thing and, you know, just being able to say to them, like, I had a hard moment, and I wasn't my best self, and I'm really sorry, and I'll do better tomorrow.

Adam Elenbaas
Honestly, more than practices and theories and ideas about how to be the best at anything, I feel like just the ability to keep it real and be human and laugh and acknowledge your own absurdities and failures goes so much further, whether it's marriage or parenting than anything you're proactively doing to be flawless. You know, it's like, it's actually just, you know, kind of like, I think we're all just doing our best, and the thing that probably helps more than anything is being able to laugh at ourselves and say, We're sorry, and just keep trying, you know.

Anyway, next question. Adam, can you explain your business model? It seems cool, but I don't really understand. How did you come up with it? So this I got a bunch of these types of questions, and I thought this one was, you know, it's worth it's worth explaining. So there's just a whole history behind it. So when I started, when I started my astrology business, there was an organization in New York City, and I don't know if they're there anymore, but it was called something like Yoga for the People or Yoga to the People or something, and it was donation based yoga, and I went to the studio, and I thought it was really cool. I just thought, This is awesome.

At the beginning of my astrology practice, I needed a way to get experience and clientele, and I didn't feel right charging some kind of standardized rate when I hadn't yet had any experience. I was in an Ayahuasca ceremony, and I had a kind of a visionary idea/epiphany; I recalled in this kind of memory in the ceremony, going to the University of Minnesota and letting the dental students do my teeth cleaning or my mom took us there when I was a kid and let the students do our teeth cleaning, and it was free, or it was like discounted or something.

So anyway, I had this memory in an ayahuasca ceremony, and I was in the stage where I was contemplating my business model, and I was getting a lot of advice from different people about what to do; some really good advice from my astrology teachers at the time, and so forth and I just decided, in order to gather experience, I'm going to do donation based readings.

I'm gonna do 500 of them, and once I get to 500, like I'll set a rate, and then I figured every so often, as I get more experienced in the years go by, and I feel comfortable, like I'll raise my rate. So that's kind of how it started.

But then, I started teaching classes, and the community classes that I was teaching, where it was really sort of a meetup group, and so I made the tuition, set your own fee, monthly fee, I had a suggested scale, right, but you could set your own fee, and you paid that, and everyone was aware that a significant portion of that went to covering the rent for the place that I rented in New York City for the class itself, right and so that allowed for just a very wide range of people to study astrology because like astrology courses can be really expensive.

So I just started realizing that, oh, you know, what part of my dharma as an astrologer is going to be that for as long as I'm doing this, whatever services I'm providing, I want there to be flexibility so that nobody is priced out. Like I'm a business, I'm trying to earn money, I'm trying to make a living, I'm an entrepreneur, or trying to hide that or anything. You know, for me, that's a part of what I'm about, but I don't have any background in business, right? So this has been like, I like the astrology; the business part has been like something I've had to learn, you know.

But anyway, I thought, no matter what, though, I want to make sure that all of the courses I teach, workshops, I host, you know, are like our entire speaker series has always been free open to the public or by donation and all of the content that I produce online, at the end of the year, I asked people, hey, pitch in, and here's discounted prices on my courses and stuff as rewards.

If you enjoy the content that I put out there for free, it doesn't price anyone out, then pitch back in through the Kickstarter, and that's how I earn my living. We try to give good rewards in the process. All of my classes have donation-based or sliding scales or reduce rate tuitions at different stages. We've had different ways of doing it.

But my vision is to make sure that a spiritual subject like astrology is affordable. At a certain point, because I had a limited amount of space and time, I had to set standardized rates for my readings. But in the new year, our goal for 2024 is to launch a reading clinic that will bring back that original donation basis so that readings we now have a reading service for people that doesn't price anyone out, and then all of our classes, I would say 50% of our students over the course of the history of Nightlight Astrology, we've had 1000s of people go through our programs, by 50% have been on some form of need-based tuition because they otherwise couldn't afford, you know, the rate of a one or two-year astrological training program.

So, you know, it's I'm not like, I'm not a nonprofit, I'm a for-profit business, but I try to make sure that in the way that we do things, there's a consideration for people coming from different economic situations, and I'm especially passionate about making sure like the ancient astrologer said, anyone who has a sincere desire to study astrology shouldn't be turned away because of money.

That's literally written in a text by Firmicus Maternus that has always left a really deep, lasting impression on me. Ashley's herbal programs always had sliding scale tuitions; our yoga studio had donation-based classes or set your own rate memberships. So this is extended into our yoga and herbal work over the years that we've always worked like that, and then probably most notably, is the Kickstarter that I do at the end of the year where, like I said, I produce that five days a week content year-round, and I'm like, Hey, if you value it, donate, and that's how I earned my living, and then hopefully, people also can take advantage of the various rewards that we offer.

So you're not only donating and getting great content, hopefully, year-round, that you love. But you can even get, you know, a reading or discounted tuition on a class or something like that. So I like to think of it as, you know, a vision of openness economically, that is about making sure that that we're stewarding the wisdom and intelligence of these subjects in ways that don't turn anyone away that really meet people where that we've given out tons of scholarships over the years to while also, you know, trying to earn a living and be successful business. So that's kind of the gist of it. Do you want to add anything to that? Do you have notes or observations over the years of how we've done business?

Ashley
Yeah, I think that was one of the things that really attracted me to you was just that generosity of spirit and just, you know, like, I'm really doing this because I love it and I trust. I mean, there were so many points along the way early on for you, and I know, for us, when we started Sky House, where we were like, are we going to make it?

But we always did; it was like, it was like magic. It was like, Okay, we trust God and the universe, that if we are doing what we love, and we're doing it, you know if we're in integrity in what we're doing, we'll never be home, you know, we'll have everything that we need, and we and it's been amazing to see how it's been true. It's like, you know, I just remember times where, like, we don't have enough for rent, and then all of a sudden, we get somebody make like a large donation for one of our programs, and we'd be like, we can pay our rent, you know.

So it's been pretty magical to see that and then and then having some times when things get really quiet, and it's, you know, you get really aware like your senses get piqued, and you're like, Okay, this is a moment, we need to just be really aware and cautious, and I think that's part of the magic of living in the spirit of this model.

Adam Elenbaas
Well, the next question follows which is how do you balance being spiritual with being an entrepreneur? Well, I will just say briefly that, you know, I can; there are ways in which the two things in this world are definitely like opposites.

You know, the desire for power, wealth, success, prominence, fame, et cetera, is a huge temptation that is a part of any business endeavor, especially when you start tasting a little success. That's just honest, like, I will tell you that, you know, up until very recently, when we started doing a little bit better, it was very, what's the phrase hand to mouth?

Yeah, it was like it was tight, like all the time, and so, it's been very new for us to not be in that mode because the business and it took ten years of operating the business before the business sort of climbed out of the margins or whatever. But I would say that it's easy once you start doing well, and you're not as worried about, you know, the things that we were more worried about, like Will the business even last, right?

In my experience, the thing that keeps it spiritual is like it's just because you have some success, earning money or as a business that you're doing well, that doesn't mean that somehow you've drifted from your spiritual center. It's not evidence that somehow you're a less spiritual person because you're doing well.

To me, the evidence has been when I start forgetting that, you know, I think about like the universe giveth and the universe taketh away, and if what we've been, if what has come in ways that I don't fully understand, it wasn't like a part of some plan that we had, it just sort of happened, because we just kept at it, then I also recognize that at any point that could leave and what I've noticed is that at the times where I'm drifting from my spiritual center, and that does happen for me, I think it happens for everyone, then I start to take things for granted, I start to think this will be here forever, and I think, for me, it's about maintaining that humble it's like, you know, I gotta keep my sandals off, I'm on holy ground, nothing is I don't take anything for granted, don't act like it will all be here forever, the success that you're having or whatever.

To me, I think, no matter what level you're at, as an entrepreneur, I think it's about recognizing, ideally, if you're doing something spiritual, you know, for a living, in other words, that you're, you're remembering what it's about why you're doing what you're doing, and then when success comes, you're also remembering what it's about and why you're doing what you're doing, and you're not suddenly letting all of your values and practices get distorted, you're not suddenly acting like, well, now I'm someone totally different, and this will last forever.

The I-Ching it for me has been invaluable in some of these lessons. Like, you know, you just when things are going well, that's when you have a tendency to trip and, you know, over the tiger's tail, and then the tiger will turn and bite you.

So it's like, I think the stakes actually get a little bit higher if you're a spiritual person, as an entrepreneur, because it's with success, materially, comes the temptation to fall asleep. That's a big part of it, and I think that the challenge has just been how to stay awake, how to stay humble, and how to remember what my values are and not get lost in the distraction of success.

Ultimately, you know, the success you have is really about what you do with it. You know, it's like, you just want to get stuff? I'm not, and I don't tell anyone how they should live or how they should spend their money or whatever. But, you know, for us, I would say, for example, you know, when we do well, for us, it's about, well, let's make sure that we can, at some point, retire, we're in a job where there's no one looking out for our retirement but us right, so that's a bad deal.

Ashley
It's no 401k. Exactly.

Adam Elenbaas
So, a lot of the success for us that we've had on a business level is going into making sure that we're okay as small business owners with no one else looking out for us when we retire. So I mean, that's like one thing that to me is like an appropriate use of success, and there are other examples too, education, spiritual experience, taking care of our family, making sure that we have some quality times together as a family doing things that are nourishing for our spirits as a family. Going to Ashley's herbal conference, as a family in Colorado, you know, these kinds of things. So I think it's also it's like, its success isn't the enemy of spirituality. It only is if you don't take that success and feed it right back into the same values that were a part of any success you had in the first place.

Ashley
Yeah, yeah, I love that, and you know, if you really believe in God, and you really are a spiritual person, then in your work, you're paying attention to the signs, and you're really open to feedback, and I think that that's one way for me that I have tried to pay attention and really listen to higher wisdom is like, what's the feedback I'm being given? Like, oh, I've been sick five times in four months. Like, that's feedback.

So what am I doing with my work that's off balance, or how am I off balance here? And, you know, just yeah, like, things like that. Just paying attention to what the feedback is and then adjusting accordingly.

Adam Elenbaas
Right, right. I think one of the things that you also have to, you know, certainly someone for someone like Ashley or me who are also projecting an image of ourselves out into the public, as creative content producers, there's a performative element to what we do. It's like making sure that I am not getting overly identified with a persona that is part of what I've constructed as a business owner.

That was a huge part, for example, for me of going through the spiritual initiation, changing my name, and then realizing that there was something about all of that, that was the construction of a kind of spiritual persona, that wasn't really who I am and, like, that was a really difficult learning experience for me and I think there's, just something about being in public in general, in our jobs, where part of it, is about balancing the project like managing a projection, a social construct that you've created as a performer as a creator, but it's like your little avatar, and you can't get identified with it, you have to step away from it.

I think some of the biggest traps for me have been that, you know, I tend to get, especially when you get trolls, right, like people who are just brutally criticizing you or attacking you. Then there's this desire to defend myself or manipulate my image in a way that avoids getting any kind of negative response, and getting caught up in all of that stuff is easy, is a very easy place for me to come right out of my spiritual center and start caring about very superficial things.

Anyway, number seven, Ashley, what advice do you have for people who want to study herbs but have no idea where to start?

Ashley
Wow, that, I mean, I think it depends where you live and what kind of things you're interested in with herbs because there's a lot of different, like, herbalism is such a big field, you know, some people really want to approach it from the science end, and there's certainly programs that are more science-based, some people really like the folk traditions and medicine making. That one's a lot easier to learn at home on your own through home courses and self-study and taking online apprenticeships and then, you know, then there's more kind of like, kind of energetic, you know, a little bit more of the, yeah, I guess, like the pattern, where astrology and herbalism blend and that would take more study and more time.

So I think I think just sort of looking at, I think you can enter in from any place, but I think it's really important as a beginner herbalist to figure out what sparks your joy the most about plants and if it's just simply gardening, then start there. If it's making medicine, start there. If it's reading the science, find some good books, and then as you start with the part that you really love the most, you'll start to see the doors open, and you'll naturally meet people and find your way into courses, programs, or just even friendships and local communities where you can plug in.

Adam Elenbaas
Sub question that I thought I might omit because I don't want to put you on the spot. But now I feel like putting you on the spot is, Do you do you? Will you ever teach your herbal programs again, someone asked.

Ashley
I'm not sure I think I know right now. In the next year, the answer's no because I'm still in mom mode, and that still feels like where I need to be putting my energy. I do think eventually I will. I loved my apprenticeships. I had a year one and a year or two, and I love teaching. I love seeing people light up when they start to understand these connections between plants and energetics and chemistry and botany. So, I don't think I'll ever stop teaching.

But how that works, I have other ideas, too, that are kind of brewing of different ways of offering, like maybe in like segments or modules, like maybe doing like a six-week module in one particular area, and then people can put these modules together and then get a certificate. So I'm kind of like in the dreamy, and I'm in the cave of dreaming right now in terms of how my programs will come forth in their next phase.

Adam Elenbaas
Fair enough. We have just a few questions left, and we'll maybe try to do these like lightning round answers. What are each of your spiritual practices? What would you recommend for someone who wants to start a spiritual practice but doesn't know where to start? Same kind of question about the, you know, the herbs.

I would say, first of all, one thing that we share together is we both attend Al-Anon, which is really super helpful. You know, for a lot of people out there, 12-step programs, if you have a background with addiction, can be an amazing practice, you know, often the working the steps, the different literature, and Ashley can say more about that.

But yeah, we both do Al-Anon. In the mornings, we typically read a little bit from a few different devotional texts some poetry, and then we usually read some kind of spiritual text. Maybe, like right now, we're reading No Bad Parts about internal family systems. We read things that are uplifting and educational for the soul, the spirit, psychology, and stuff like that.

We each also see a therapist regularly. I see a Jungian, and so I think those are really like al-anon, weekly therapy, and morning devotional times. Those are probably the main three. I have gone on and off to Quaker services, which are kind of like a communal silence, which is really beautiful. We've gone to an Episcopal Church here or there.

We go to Taize, which is a kind of choral meditation; it's a really beautiful prayer service that the Episcopal Church has on Friday nights sometimes. But we go to we do all sorts of stuff we go to there's cacao circle, Ashley's gone to, and ecstatic dance, sometimes, ecstatic dance or so I think it's, we have kind of a crock pot of different things going on. You know, for me, for years, it was mantra meditation; we've had yoga practices over the years.

So I kind of think it's different at different stages, you know, and the main thing for me is that sacred time before I make content every day, that's really always been really important for me as a content creator that prior to sitting down that I've taken some time to be with my soul and right now, that's been in the form of Ashley and I returning to some of the practices we had before the kids were born.

Ashley
Yeah, and I'll just add, you know, in addition to all of the things Adam just said, For me, time outside is a big part of my spiritual health and practice. So, for me, gardening, taking the dog on a walk, or sometimes literally just stepping outside in the front yard and looking at the moon and just taking a few deep breaths like that does wonders for my soul.

So, I think if you're looking to start a spiritual practice, and you don't know where to, you know, you don't know where to begin. It's like my last question, just like, What inspires you? What practices or what elements of spiritual life really draw you in? Then, just make sure that you create daily time for that.

Adam Elenbaas
Yeah, I mean, journaling, walking, you know, to me, for infer many people, I also consider I workout at the gym five days a week with a trainer. Not everyone can do that. But I think exercise, for many people, is a spiritual practice because it's not just working your body, but when you work your body, the stuff inside of you that you know, when you move your blood, and you move your breath, you move stuff, and it still comes up for you to look at and so exercise honestly, for a lot of people is very spiritual. There are so many different ways to exercise.

Number nine, what are the biggest mistakes you've made as a business owner? Let's just list a few rapid-fire.

Ashley
I'll start trying to do too many things. Jack of trades, jack of all trades, master of none. I mean, for me, trying to please too many people and do too many things. Because that's what other people were telling me they wanted rather than really focusing on what I loved and what I was good at, like my natural gifts.

Adam Elenbaas
Yeah. For me, it was the realization; I used to be someone who thought if there were five emails in the inbox, at the end of the day, that meant I had to answer all five of them, and I was just like you, like a dog with a stick that won't let go of it.

I just didn't trust that I can take time; those things will be there tomorrow, and I can get to them tomorrow. I used to have this kind of urgency that, like everything would fall apart if I didn't get everything done today, and that caused me, and the thing is, is that it's like one of those digging a hole in the sand, you know, and then the sand just keeps pouring in.

So I realized, and maybe I'm making this up in my head, but it felt like once I realized that I could just take a little time and be like, Okay, I got a lot done today. I'll get to the rest of that tomorrow. Because if I emptied everything, by the time I woke up, there'd be a new set of things that would take just as long.

There was no end to it, and so I realized that there's never going to be an account to get everything done because there's just going to be more. So now I've just found more spaciousness, and I'm not obsessive about having to get everything done because I can't feel complete until it is because I've realized it's just neurotic, and there's always going to be more. So I just take my time more.

Number 10. Last but not least, who are your favorite thinkers, artists, and musicians? And then someone else asked, What are your favorite TVs? Books or movies?

Ashley
Oh, can I go first? Yeah, go. Okay. So, I would say that the person who inspires my soul is Mary Oliver, who is a nature poet. And we read her daily, and I read her sometimes even more than that, and I read her to my girls; I have my girls read her poetry.

So, for me, she speaks a language that I need to hear regularly. So she's she's been a huge influence on my life. Jerry Garcia is like an artist and musician and thinker, and this sort of culture, you know, cultural revolutionary, has really inspired me since I was, like, 15. I've just always found the Grateful Dead and the work of Jerry Garcia and Robert Hunter, and like their lyrics, just all of like, that whole world is like a big part of my consciousness and has really shaped who I am.

I also think Matthew Wood, you know, I studied when I studied herbalism, it was very more it was more scientifically based, and I felt like there was a part that was never really like the more magical and energetic part of herbalism and the herbalism was connected to the old way of thinking about plants and so when I started studying with Matthew Wood in 2009or 10. Then I, like, it just blew my mind open, and I have all of his books. Since I've studied with him, I've sat at his feet, I've sat in circles, I've actually we, Adam, and I've had him on our podcast before.

Now we're friends, which is so cool to like. I could just email Matthew Wood and be like, Hey, Matt, what do you think about this but he now, if you don't know about Matthew Woods's work, one of his books that I think is absolutely essential to have is called the Book of Herbal Wisdom by Matthew Wood, and that's a herbal reference everyone should have.

Favorite TV shows. We're watching Outlander right now, and that is by far one of my favorite TV shows I've, you know, series I've ever watched movies. I love Emily, and she is one that really has stayed with me. Um, My Neighbor Totoro. It's a kid's animated movie, but that one like I could watch that one a million times and never get sick of it. So I could go on, but I know I want to leave time for Adam.

Adam Elenbaas
Well, I haven't sat at James Hillman's feet. It would be fun to do that. But James Hillman is like definitely my favorite thinker. I have sat with Ashley on the floor, listening in a circle, listening to Matthew Wood talk, and he's super cool. I have to say, as an herbalist, I really like him. Let's see. James Hillman would probably be my favorite thinker of all time at this point.

But back in the day, it was Alan Watts, Terence McKenna, you know, the psychedelic crew of thinkers, and they've made a big impact on me. Favorite artists and musicians? Gosh, I'm not really someone who knows a lot about art. I'm just like, that's pretty, you know, like, but when it comes to musicians, like earlier on, Thom Yorke and Radiohead were easily one of my favorites. A friend of mine got me into him, and yeah, I have a really deep appreciation for his music.

Ashley's just got me into the Grateful Dead, as you all know from the million Grateful Dead shirts I know wear like a poser. But yeah, the Grateful Dead, I think they are the band that has made the biggest impact on me most recently; I am sort of in awe that I never had gotten into them before. It's sort of like this mind-blowing revelation for me because I love them now. Sting has always been a huge favorite of mine, but Crosby, Stills, Nash, and lots of, like, Neil Young, and you know, so there's like a bunch of classics. I used to love the Smashing Pumpkins. They were one of my favorites.

Anyway, my favorite TV show, Game of Thrones; up until the end, that was one of my favorite series of all time, but I love Outlanders really cool. I loved Breaking Bad; that was one of my I really really enjoyed. I love the Ozark or Ozark cool show Sopranos; you know there are others too, but I liked Arrested Development; that was a favorite show. Have you guys ever seen that? But anyway, Movies of All Time, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, and Goonies, Stand By Me, which is probably an all-time favorite. Dead Poets Society. I don't know if there are others.

Books. Gosh, yeah, Lord of the Rings, the Narnia Chronicles. Those are like Staples. Yeah, I'm trying to think of books. There's been God. I've read so many books, you know, that it's just sort of hard to, like, grab one. I loved Walt Whitman. Like Whitman, poetry has always meant a great deal to me. So yeah, and I can't think I can't think of it. Lord of the Rings is probably easily my favorite book of all time, though. So I don't know. Yeah, that probably rounds it out for me.

Thank you, guys, for these fun questions. Yes, one. Really enjoyed it. I want to point you guys over to Ashley's work if you want to check it out. I highly recommend hitting up her YouTube channel, Skyhouseherbs, where she has weekly videos on plant spirit medicine; you're going to find a lot of like the doctrine of signatures and a symbolic way of approaching plant medicine. It's not just like herbs in science. It's herbs, science, and symbolism. It's like it's a bit like someone who's going to teach you how to look at plants as omens in nature. That's how Ashley's vibe is, and that's, you know, that's why I love her. You're also going to find her on Instagram, Skyhouseherbs, and then if you want to check out the website for upcoming events that we have, especially in the community medicine garden, that is skyhouse herbs.com. Anything else you want to add in there?

Ashley
Yeah, we've got one more community garden gathering for September. So if you're listening to this, and you're in the Minnesota area, you can go to scales, herbs, calm, click on Events, click on garden gatherings, and you can get the details for that event, and then I just want to say too, that we are planning we are in like the dreaming phase and planning phase of a retreat for next year. So stay tuned for that because I'm really excited to bring our minds and our hearts together to offer plants and planetary retreat content.

Adam Elenbaas
Yeah, for sure. I want to add, by the way, before we close up, it is so nice to receive all of your questions, and please know that we are aboard the same Ship of Fools as all of the rest of you. We don't know shit. So I just want to end by saying that it's really important, like we do not consider ourselves experts on anything.

Ashley
We should have one of those little labels like everything said in this in this like, please consult with you...

Adam Elenbaas
..just about anyone other than us. Yeah, no, I mean, it's so nice to get your questions, and you know, we are learning, and in just like everyone else, and if anything we've said today is helpful then, then mission accomplished, and otherwise, we hope it was entertaining.

So, thanks for being here, Ashley. It's just so much fun to make content with you. I love you. I love you always. Alright, thanks, everyone. We'll see you again soon. Bye. Bye.